What's In a Name?

Day 2 of the 30 Day Challenge asks us to explain the meaning behind the blog name.  Mine is obviously, "It's the Journey and the Destination".  I chose this because one of the biggest challenges I have had to face in my life is infertility.  I am certainly not one of those people who go through life and things just come easily or things get handed to them.  However, I never thought that I would have to struggle or work for my God given right to reproduce. It just doesn't make sense.  But who am I to judge what does or doesn't make sense?  I figure that God has a plan for me.  That maybe, he gave me this struggle so that I might learn something from it.  So often we get caught up in the destination, the end point, the goal that we don't focus on the how or the why.  We just want what we want and we want it NOW!  For me this struggle is about the journey and the destination and figuring out just what it is I am supposed to take away from all this.

So far on my journey, I have figured out these things:

• Infertility is expensive.  No amount of budgeting or planning will ever cover the costs.
• There are going to be sacrifices along the way.  But what dream doesn't come with those?
• Your relationship with your spouse will be tested time and time again.  
• My husband is amazing and beyond supportive.  I never knew how strong our relationship was until we faced this together.  I guess we are lucky in that aspect.
• Your faith will be tested.  
• Sometimes I don't have as much faith as I should.

And those are just a few things.   I am hoping that my destination in this journey is to have a child rather that be one of my own or adopted, but I am keeping my mind open.  Maybe it will just be me and my husband and our dog.  I'm ok with that as long as that's where I'm supposed to be.

Hopping Right On

In my effort to become a more diligent blogger, I have decided to take on a 30 Day Challenge via: Katie's Journey.  If you want to join it, head over there and let her know!  I think this is going to be fun and I am very excited about it.

The first challenge is to post a picture of yourself and give 15 interesting facts about moi.  Well I can give you 15 facts, but I can't claim that they'll all be interesting per se. 

Me!

Now on to those facts:

1. I got married three years ago on 07.07.07.  Everyone said I was crazy for getting married on "the most popular wedding day ever" but I really didn't have an issue with it.
2. Yes, I have been married for three years and no, I don't have any children.  I am what you would call reproductively challenged.  We are working on it albeit at a snail's pace.
3. I went to school for elementary education, but I don't teach.  And I learn a little bit more everyday that it was the best decision for me.
4. And in the next breath I'm going to tell you that I do actually teach CCD one night a week.  These are Catholic education classes for public school children.
5. I worry.  A lot.  About random things that no one should ever worry about.  Once something has resolved itself I move on to something else to worry about.  It can be quite stressful. 
6. I have an intense fear of vomit.  Enough said.
7. I love pop culture.  LOVE it.  I think this is why I quote movie/TV shows every chance I get. 
8. I am a trivia FREAK.  I know the most random things and I couldn't tell you where I pick it up. 
   Sometimes I think the random information takes up too much information in my brain.  
9. By nature I am shy, until I get comfortable and know you.  Then I don't shut up.  I'm just really bad at the whole small talk thing.  Being in a sorority really helped to bring me out of that shell though.  Who knows how socially awkward I might be otherwise. :-)
10. I spend WAY too much money on purses.  I should really learn to save my money and not buy a million cheap ones and buy one really nice one. 
11. I take a lot of things personally.  Like things that shouldn't be taken personally at all.  I guess I'm just sensitive and have a lot of feelings and emotions.
12. I really enjoy reading blogs - especially Kentucky bloggers, sorority bloggers and others struggling with infertility  (I cringe at how cliche I sound.)
13. I love reading.  There is just something about getting lost in a good book.
14. I met my now husband when I was a sophomore in high school.  We started dating right before our senior year and have been together ever since (let's just ignore that three week period we were broken up in college).
15. I work hard everyday to be just a little bit better of a person than I was the day before.

So there you have it, day one of the challenge is complete!

Housekeeping

Note: When you read the title you should say it a la Tommy Boy.

So.  I guess I'm what you'd call a blogger-hopper.  Meaning, I start about 5 million blogs, write two entries, then start another or go back to an old one.  Well ENOUGH!  Enough I say!  Time to pick one and stick to it.  It's too much for me to keep track of and it makes me feel like I have a multiple personality disorder.  So here is now home.  If I want to write about pop culture, it will be here.  If I want to talk about my infertility issues, it will be here.  If I want to talk about how undomestic I am, it will be here.  Much like I picked a sorority as a home, I have picked this blog to be my home.  It should feel so... special.

Since we last left, I had take a Dye Test to insure that my tubes were open and things that need to get through can in fact do so.  They were all clear so that's good news, but I haven't done much since, and thank God because I am still getting bills for that darn test!  It was FOUR months ago!  There should be a statute of limitations or something.  Gah.  I really don't know what to do when it comes to fertility issues.  I'm so indecisive.  Much like I can't pick a blog, I can't pick how/when to pursue a family.  I think I am waiting on some guidance from God on how to proceed next.  Although a tiny part of me hopes that my indecision will lead to a natural pregnancy.  I'm not really that naive, but I can dream, right?

In other non-uteruo news, my BIRTHDAY is coming up in just a few short weeks. The only thing on my wish list:

 Via here

This Coach SOHO tote.  I'm not really set on a color, although I am really liking this almond color as I feel it would very versatile in my wardrobe as well as seasons.  It really just depends on what they have available when I go to the store.  One thing is for sure, "It will be mine. Oh yes.  It will be mine".  I just love my birthday, although I'm not stoked about the idea of getting older.  That's not cool.  But I do enjoy any day that can be all about me and I get presents.  Especially fun presents like Coach purses. 

Thirty Before Thirty

In just a little over three years, I will be... 30 years old.  Boy is that hard to type.  Or even think about for that matter.  I remember when I was younger and thinking 30 was old (I know, I know, cliche).  Of course now that I'm knock, knock, knocking at 30 years old, I think that's not that old.  Except that I kinda do.  I thought that by the time I was 30, I would be married and have a child.  Actually 2.  Actually I wanted to be done, having children.  Oh boy, what was I thinking?  In truth, I have a husband, but no babies yet.  Nature is making that a bit more difficult than it should be.  So in looking at my goals and realizing I might not make it, I decided to re-write some goals.  Thus the 30 Before 30 Project.  It's pretty easy.  30 things I wish to accomplish before October 25, 2013.  In order to make myself accountable - I'm putting my list out there for all the world to see:

1. Make a full dinner - all components, no help (yes, in my three years of being a wife, I have not made a total dinner by myself.  This is the Undomestic Goddess, remember??)
2. Start and maintain a blog.  (Clearly I have started, but the goal is to keep it going)
3. Travel to Washington D.C.
4. Travel to New York City again.
5. Teach a full year of PREP
6. Go to a fertility specialist.
7. Finish our basement.
8. Get a new job.
9. Got to Gatlinburg on a family trip.
10. Buy a really expensive purse (by really expensive I mean over $200 - that's expensive to me)
11. Organize the entire house
12. Read a "classic" novel I didn't read in high school.
13. Research adoption options.
14. Get another dog.
15. Keep and maintain a coupon system.
16. Payoff both credit cards.
17. Visit the Florida Panhandle again.
18. Get my wisdom teeth pulled (yeah still haven't done that).
19. Refinish our bedroom furniture.
20. Make and meet a blog friend (won't you be my friend??)
21. Have a specialty party at my house.
22. Walk three nights a week for a month.
23. Clean and dust every Saturday for a month.
24. Make my bed everyday for a month.
25. Pack lunch everyday for a month.
26. Go to the doctor for a physical.
27. Start and maintain a Flickr account.
28. Start and maintain a journal full of thoughts, quotes, etc.
29. Vote in the next presidential election.
30.  Read two books a month for a year.

So that's the list!  There are some things on there that will hopefully help to domesticate me a bit more.  There are things that I hope will make me a better person. There are things that can be done in conjunction with one another.  There are things that will cost lots' o money.

But I'm willing to give it all a shot and I'm planning on documenting my progress here.

What are your 30 before 30?

Stuck in the Middle

Well, I did it.  I did that awful, horrible, no good, very bad test that is known as the dye test.  Ok, ok.  Maybe I am exaggerating a little... but only just a little.  Despite what everyone said it hurt more than just a "slight discomfort".  I will spare you the gory details of the whole thing, but suffice to say there was intense cramping for a brief period of time and a near pass out, but overall not terrible.  And yes I know, childbirth will be much more painful, but at least you get some drugs and a baby afterward.  All I got was some Advil and some test results.  The good news is that there are no blockages in my tubes and I have "totally normal" anatomy.  Totally normal in the sense that everything looks good, save for the one important event called ovulation.  So the missing puzzle piece is how to get me to ovulate.  How we are going to get that to happen is still a mystery to me, but I supposed one day we might find out.

The next step in this process is I need to make an appointment which my regular OB/GYN to over the results and then have her give me a referral.  Yes, I will pay a co-payment of $25 to have her tell me test results that I already know and give me a referral to a fertility doctor.  Am I the only one who thinks this sounds painfully unnecessary?  Didn't think so.

Before that happens though, there is some research that is involved.  Like figuring out if my insurance will even pay me to visit a fertility doctor.  I know that they won't pay for the treatments (but they will be glad to give me some birth control! - another topic for another day) but I don't know if they will pay just a visit.  If not we are looking at probably $200/$300 just to visit the darn place.  Please note I am totally making a guestimate here as I recently found out to just visit the regular OB/GYN sans insurance is roughly $150 (and I'm pretty sure that's just to walk in the door).  Also I'm not sure if the dye test will be covered either.  I don't even want to think about the pretty penny that is going to cost me.  Oh and did I mention that my hours were cut at work?  Oy vey.  So there will have to be some strategic planning involved regarding money, etc. 

I wonder what it's like not to have plan so much when it comes to starting a family?