Confessions of a Twitter Convert

Not long ago, I scoffed at Twitter.  What in the world was it?  Who cared about giving status updates?  Who cared what other people were doing?  Couldn't you just do that on Facebook?  In short, I didn't understand the point. 

Then I joined because my husband had joined and he would tell me about funny tweets from celebrities and friends.  It seemed like an inside joke and if there is one thing I can't stand it's to not be in on inside jokes.  So I joined.  I started off with just a few people I was following.  Nothing crazy.  My husband, some friends, a few celebrities like Jeremy Piven (because why wouldn't I - have you seen him?)(sorry husband).  I checked it occasionally and every now and then would tweet something.

Then before I knew it, I was checking more and more.  Every time I would get a free minute I would be checking it... obsessively.  If someone tweets me, I have to tweet them back.  I didn't really know why I had become so addicted to it and in such a short amount of time.  I daresay, I almost prefer it over Facebook.  And here are the two main reasons:

1. Facebook has become too mainstream and has become too bogged down with Farmville, Sorority Life, Causes, etc, etc, etc.  I don't care how you spend your time on Facebook.  There is no need to fill my news feed with that nonsense.  And for goodness sakes, my mother is my friend on Facebook.  I remember when it first started and it was only college kids and it was this fun way to spend time, catching up with people you hadn't seen since high school.  Now it's just different.
2. The celebrities.  I'm not one who buys tabloids or checks celebrity gossip websites, but they do fascinate me which I hate to admit.  By following them, I feel like I get a glimpse into their everyday life - which celebrity gossip doesn't give you.  I love when they post a new picture because again it's a glimpse into their life - it makes you feel like you really are getting to know them.  And I love finding celebrities that I liked when I was younger and had totally forgot about.  Of course I follow them immediately.  

 So yeah, I totally just wrote a whole post about Twitter.   What's funny is I just asked my husband if I should be embarrassed about what I write on my blog - I think this DOES qualify as being embarrassing, but I don't care.  I like Twitter and I don't care who knows it!!!

Blog Stalking

Is it bad that when I hear the word "stalking" the only thing I can think of is Pauly from Jersey Shore talking about his stalker and how she, "stalked his whole entire life"?  Methinks this is a sign that I watch too much Jersey Shore...  At least that's the only MTV show that I watch.  That makes me feel a little better about my TV preferences but not really by much. 

But I digress...

The real point of this post is blog stalking.  I do it.  I admit, my name is MrsBill and I'm a blog stalker.  I try to comment on posts that I read, but sometimes I'm too busy or the post already has a million comments that I feel mine will get lost in the mumbo jumbo (sidenote: I do find it very nice when I comment on someone's post that has tons of comments and they respond to mine through email... I really would like to start doing that!).  Sometimes I just don't know what to write.  I love finding blogs that I enjoy reading and I like to go through them and read a lot of their posts.  It's hard to get the gist of someone's blogging style from just one post.  The point it, I blog stalk and I know that others do too. 

When I got started blogging I wanted to remain annonymous, well as annonymous as I could whilst posting pictures and the such.  I don't use my real name because I don't want someone to be able to Google me and find the blog.  I think this is perfectly acceptable.  I just didn't know about friends or family reading the blog.  Obviously, I'm not stupid and I realized that it quite the possibility that people I know "in real life" would find the blog.  Over the weekend my husband's aunt (hi, Gina!!) told me that she reads the old blog.  At first, I was embarrassed.  Does anyone else feel this way about blogging?  I felt like suddenly all my secrets were exposed!  But really?  I'm writing these "secrets" for the world to see.  Clearly these aren't secrets! 

So I had to wonder, why am I blogging if I'm so embarrassed about it?  The whole reason for starting this blog in particular was to write about my struggles with infertility.  I needed an outlet because a lot of time I have found that it's hard to share my feelings about the journey.  I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable, so sometimes it's hard to discuss it with people I'm close to.  I wanted to mind support (not that I don't get any from my family and friends) and find people that were like me - and not just in the sense of infertility.  Ultimately though I wanted to share my story and I felt like blogging was a good way to do it.  It is my own little corner of the world where I don't have to apologize all the time for being jealous or sad or being happy about certain things.  I can just be me. 

And so, I guess my whole point is that I have accepted that people I know may read the blog.  People I don't know read the blog, and I'm okay with both.  Not that I'm going to run out and tell everyone I have a blog, but you get the picture.

So what I'm asking is if you read this blog regularly or just happen upon it, say hi!  I would love to know who's out there and I would love to connect with you. 

And as always I am happy to share this little part of my life with you!

Hanging My Head in Shame

Tonight, I'm channeling Chandler Bing...  could I BE any worse as a blogger?

Wait.

Don't answer that.

If there were a contest for the worst bloggers, I'm pretty sure I would be in the top five.  Okay, but not top five.  But surely top ten. 

If the name FailBlog weren't already taken, I'd name my site that.

Why do I have such low blogger-esteem?  Well for starters, I'm a sporadic writer.  I love writing and when I'm not blogging I continually look at situations and think, "that would be great to blog about!!"  Unfortunately (actually probably fortunately as some things I think that are funny and interesting aren't nearly as funny or interesting to others as they are to me) I rarely write about those things.  I get distracted and then it's hard to "make a comeback" if you will. 

Second, people comment on my entries which I love, but then I can't respond to them.  I click on their names to email them and then it want Outlook to send the email and I don't have Outlook and then I try to email from Yahoo and it's just a big old mess.  Then I feel guilty.  I promise though, if you have left a comment, I have seen it and I'm not ignoring you.  Promise!  I usually try to visit your blog and comment on something you've written, but I never feel as though this suffices.  I'm trying to figure out a solution which is probably super simple, and I'm over-thinking it.

Third, I remembered this week that I had an email address set up for this site and that when I leave comments on people's blogs they respond to me there.  So if you have emailed me and  I haven't responded, that's why.

Lord, do you think I could have any more excuses?

Then there is the matter of my computer being what I like to call a hooker and she contracted an STD and was out of commission for most of this week.  Seriously.  She needs to learn to protect herself out there on the interwebs.  What is most annoying is she wasn't even doing anything terribly wrong.  She was helping me find scarf tying techniques.  Dirty.

So I'm making an effort.  I will do my best to be a better blogger.  Promise.

What I Really Meant to Say

Does anyone else write a blog entry and then keep thinking, I hope no one takes that the wrong way?  Or, I hope they don't think _____________ about me?  Or should I file this way of thinking into the "am I the only one" drawer? 

After I wrote yesterdays post, I couldn't stop thinking:

"I hope that no one take offense to what I said about spending money on expensive makeup products."

and

"I hope no one thinks that I'm totally cheap and broke because I'm worrying over $18."

Because I really didn't mean either of those two things.  Thus the need to write a second blog entry titled,

What I REALLY meant to say

With regards to the first statement, what I really meant to say, was that I personally have a hard time justifying spending X amount of dollars on a MAC product.  Simply because I look at it as makeup.  I look it as it as a fun item to buy that you put on your face and may or may not use all of.  Plus, I'd hate to spend that much on a product and then hardly use it because I'm not in love.  Now, what I do spend my extra money on, is purses.  I LOVE purses.  I want to buy one right now.  It's on super sale, but I'm trying to hold out for even super-er sale in order to be a little more frugal.  So moral of the story?  I don't like to spend my extra $ on makeup, but I love purses.  I don't judge people who buy lots of makeup because I?  I have a  lot of purses.

With regards to the second statement, what I really meant to say, was that $18 is not a lot of money in the grand ol' scheme of things.  $18 won't buy you a tank of gas and hardly buys a meal for two out to eat.  I know I mentioned in the entry that my new job won't produce a paycheck until the first of February and that means that my last paycheck received was December 31st.  I feel guilty spending money and non-necessary items when I'm not really contributing this month.  I also feel guilty when I've been on a spending binge and bought a few items from Forever 21 and this (which I LOVE btw):

via here

It makes it harder to justify spending that money when I've already spent a few dollars on myself already this month.  I think that part of sharing finances with someone means respecting them and not spending a bajillion dollars on myself.  Know what I mean?  So moral of the story?  I'm trying to be frugal and it's not really working.

So there's my explanation that was probably totally unnecessary, but boy do I feel better getting that off my chest!

(And let's ignore the fact that this entry totally negates the fact that the previous entry was supposed to be in jest and all in good fun!)

What to Do?

I hereby dedicate this entry to my wonderful husband (also known as my number one blog fan) who often asks that I post more and then complains when I post (too much) about things like the snow.  Well today dear husband, enjoy this entry and let me know what you think!

As I have said before, I have a new found love for YouTube beauty gurus.  I absolutely love watching the videos and learning how to do techniques, especially using products that I already own.  The down side to watching these videos, is that I often find myself wanting to buy everything under the sun (within reason).  While I am growing my love for all things makeup, I'm trying to be reasonable about it.  Would MAC makeup be better quality vs. other brands?  Yes, probably.  Do I have money to run out every other day and buy these products every time a guru raves about them?  No, I do not.  Possibly because I have to be "adult" and pay things like the "mortgage" and "bills".  And I know that these products will last longer because they are of better quality, etc, etc.  I just can't bring myself to spend big bucks on these products either.  (And as a side note, I am NOT judging people who buy these things.  Some people probably would not spend the money I do on purses.  It's just your preferences).  I believe that I can find great deals on drugstore items that work just as well or are good dupes for more expensive things. 

With that in mind, I visited the e.l.f. website tonight.  Which, ok.  That was a mistake.  I started looking around and finding items that I have seen reviewed or mentioned on YouTube.  I decided to put things in my shopping bag just to see how much everything would be.  When I hit checkout, I noticed they were running a deal on their makeup brushes - 50% off.  50% off people!!!  Do you know how much that is?!  That's half off!  So now, I'm sitting here torn.  I have a shopping bag full of 9 items that is totaling out at $18.95 (which includes shipping) and I just don't know if I should pull the trigger.  I don't know why I'm being so batty about it.  That's less than a dollar per item - for makeup!  I know it's not the best quality, but for less than a dollar an item, that's hard to pass up!  There's some cute things in there like this lipstick (shade is Nicely Nude):

via here

I know I sounds like a lunatic worrying about $18, but keep in mind that I started a new job and I won't get paid until February.  So that's a whole loooooooong month.  But this is a sale.  A 50% off sale.  Did I mention that?  Because it's definitely worth mentioning. 

So what say you, husband?  Should I take advantage of this awesome deal that ends on the 17th and who knows when it will ever come around again?  Or should I save my pennies like a good little girl?

And just so we're clear, I'm raving about this sale/products because I want to.  No one paid me or gave me anything.  From what I understand it's a big deal if you don't disclose this or if we don't disclose that you got paid, but because I don't want any scary government agencies coming after me, I'm just going to throw that out there!

Are We Getting Wiser, or Just Older

I'm pretty sure the universe is trying to tell me something, and that something is that I'm old.  Apparently a lot older than I always thought I was.  Allow me to explain...

About a week ago, I was looking at the ads on my Facebook page for funsies, you know just to see how well Facebook knew me.  There was an ad for Delta Zeta memorabilia and then this:

Yeah that's right.  Facebook targeted me for advertising on defective hip replacements.  WHAT?!  Aren't they supposed to use information from you profile to target advertise to you?  Hence the Delta Zeta ads and the fact that I get all kinds of pregnancy ads (because I'm a certain age and married I suppose).  But this?  I was just insulted.  I scoured my profile trying to figure out why I would get this, but the jury is still out on that one.

So life went on and all was well and I decided to write the whole thing off as a funny joke.  Until Saturday afternoon.  I came home from running errands and found the mail sitting on the counter.  I was going through it when I found an envelope with the following letters on it - AARP.  It was addressed to none other than yours truly.  WHAT THE BLEEPITY BLEEP?!  I ran down to the basement where my husband was watching TV and thrust it in his face.  

Me:  What the F is this??
Him: LOLOLOLOLOL Is your card in there too?

I frantically opened the envelope to find:

(Sorry for the crappy cell phone picture.  And don't be jealous of the mad photoshopping skillz.)

Yes, it's true.  I had  have my very own AARP card.   My husband's response?

Him: I have to Facebook this right now.

Thanks, honey.  

In the end, I put this picture on FB and someone suggested that I activate the card and then take it to restaurants and demand for a discount.  Not a bad idea.

What I find just as insulting as actually receiving the AARP card is that it is in my maiden name.  So now no only does AARP think I'm old, they think I'm an old maid.  So I got that going for me too.

Oh universe.  Whatever am I going to with you?

A Question...

I know that there are many teachers out there in the blogosphere so I propose this question to you all:

How do you do it every.single.day?

No... seriously.  I teach CCD, or Catholic Education classes to Catholic children that go to Public School.  It's for an hour every Monday night and most nights are tolerable.  Enjoyable even.  But tonight?  Tonight was difficult.  They were wild and crazy.  And I could handle that.  Really and truly.  But they also had attitudes.  Oh the attitudes.  That's hard for me to take.

I know it's the excitement of having the next five days off of school and the excitement of Christmas.  I get it.  I do.  It's hard for me to focus at work knowing that I have a few days off.  

What's sad is I was going to do this for a living!  I guess God really does know what he's doing, after all.  Oy vey.  

Now I shall self medicate with episodes of One Tree Hill.  Season 6 is playing on the WB!

An Announcement

I have an announcement to make.  I want an iPhone based solely on the site http://damnyouautocorrect.com/.  I was laughing hysterically at this stuff last night.  My husband thought I was crazy, but he was laughing at some of them too.

via here

And that's all I have to say about that.

Happy Weekend, everyone!

I Should Be...

Let's play a little game called, "What I should be doing".  Fun, yes?

I should be doing the laundry... but instead I'm playing on the internet.

I should be deciding what we're having for dinner... but instead I'm snacking on some chips.

I should be brainstorming about Christmas gifts for people... but instead I'm thinking of what to buy myself.

I should be cleaning the kitchen, but instead I'm making silly lists. 

I should be reading the last book my sister gave me... but instead I'm thinking of how I get another Elin Hilderbrand book.

I should be walking my dog... but instead I'm just looking at her "junk in the trunk".

I should be cleaning my bedroom... but instead I'm thinking about how that would lead to laundry (see number 1on this list).

I should be feeling bad about some certain things... but instead I really just can't it in me.

I should be planning my PREP lesson for next week... but instead I'm thinking of how many days I have between now and then.

And now the word "should" looks really funny.

What should you be doing, and what are you doing instead?

Now I'm Haunted

So I fell off the wagon.  I didn't complete the 30 day Challenge and I really, really wanted to.  It's just, life got in the way, you know?  Or maybe my laziness got in the way.  Or maybe both.  Either way, I won't be completing it and that's just the way the cookie crumbles. 

I'm in a bumming kind of mood.  There's a lot going on, and I find when other areas of my life are blowing up in my face, the infertility thing just is magnified by a million.  Then to add insult to injury, everyone announces they are pregnant, and I'm left feeling even worse than I felt before. 

I'm sorry.  This isn't a very uplifting post is it? 

It's just today was ick.  Three people got laid off at work between Friday and today.  This is the latest in a series that has spanned the entire year.  Since the beginning of the year nearly 20 people have gotten laid off from my work.  Which doesn't sound like a lot, but it's a small company, made even smaller now.  It's really hard to deal with all of it. 

Then I'm driving home, happy to be free, singing to some new Taylor Swift and CRACK!  A rock comes and hits my windshield leaving a nice crack in it.  Now this wouldn't be so bad because in the great Commonwealth of Kentucky our insurance companies but replace/repair the windshield free of charge - one per year.  Excellent!  Only did you see that one per year thing?  Yeah, I already claimed mine - less than two months ago.  Yes, that's right.  This has already happened to me once this year and that was less than two months ago.  Two months!  And did I mentioned it happened in the exact same spot on the expressway?  Words cannot describe my anger. 

Then I come home to find some solace.  Well I shouldn't have looked to blogs/Facebook for that.  I saw that two new people were pregnant which just irritates me.  I should probably back up a bit here.  I was already a little irritated with the whole thing when I logged on FB last night and every single picture that had been uploaded were of babies.  Babies, babies, babies.  It depressed me to no end.  Then to find that more people are pregnant?  It's salt in wounds, people.  Salt.in.wounds.

And now I should really go do some laundry, but I think I'm just going to listen to more Taylor Swift and wallow in my pity. 

Tomorrow will be happier.  I promise. 

How My Mind Works

My flow of consciousness is somewhat... loopy at times. I will find myself focusing on a task or thinking about something and all of sudden my mind is totally somewhere else and I'm thinking... where did that come from? It's not unlike Lorelai Gilmore:

"Because my brain is a wild jungle full of scary gibberish: I'm writing a letter, I can't write a letter. Why can't I write a letter? I'm wearing a green dress. I wish I was wearing my blue dress. My blue dress is at the cleaners. The Germans wore gray, you wore green. Casablanca. Casablanca is such a good movie. Casablanca. The White House. Bush. Why don't I drive a hybrid car? I should really drive a hybrid car. I should really take my bicycle to work. Bicycle, unicycle, uni-tard, hockey puck, rattle snake, monkey, monkey underpants."

Random things will just trigger me into a random cycle of thoughts. For example, I was driving home from work yesterday when I got behind this big massive pickup truck that was moving awfully slow. I kept wondering why it was moving slow. Why don't I go around? Too much traffic to get over. He should get over and get out of my way. Slow drivers in the fast lane suck. Why does the back window say of said truck read: "U.S. Armed Forces: Join them, Support them or get the hell out of my country?" Who puts such things on the back of their truck? Hillbillies. Hillbillies. Rednecks. Confederate flags. Who said it's your county? This land is your land, this land is my land, from California to the New York Islands... this land was made for me and you. I may or may not have been singing that last part out loud in my car. Either way this random train of thinking kept my mind of pressing matters such as the fact that I off work early to go to the doctor's office. Cue the music: "It's the most wonder-ful time of the year!"

Or not.

I hate going to the lady doctor, but it is a necessary evil. Especially if you are trying to have a baby and you aren't mechanically inclined to do so. So I put on my big girl panties (not literally) and made my way to the doctor's office. Now I'm always rull nervous to go to the lady doctor because I have this fear that it will result in them telling me I have cancer. Again, just part of the way my mind works. Luckily, I see this doctor that totally cracks me up every time a I see her:

• The first time I saw her, I went to put my feet up and she told me that I had big feet. Um, thanks? I should probably mention that she is a small Indian woman, but I don't think that my size 9 feet are that big. Whatevs. I'll take it as a compliment.
• As if the whole experience wasn't traumatizing enough, there was a student doctor there and she got to have a try at the ol' examine on me as well. Excellent.
• The last time I was there for infertility purposes she was going through my file and she noticed that the last doctor had diagnosed me with PCOS. She looked me and up and down and said, "But you're not very fat". Again, I guess I'll take this as a compliment.
• At the same visit, she asked my husband if he had ever fathered any children. He said no (of course not) and I said, "He better not have". And she started dying laughing. You would have thought Seinfeld himself came in was giving us our own personal comedy act.

She a real hoot, let me tell ya. I mean only this stuff would happen to me.

Yesterday though we were not all giggles. As per usual, the nurse led me in into the room and asked the normal stuff: last cycle, am I using contraception, etc. I said that I was not using contraception (hello, look in the file, the plumbing DOES NOT work!). She continues her stuff and then leaves me to wait for the doctor. My doctor comes in and do you know the first thing she says to me, "So you aren't using any contraception? Would you like some?" READ THE FILE! I have what I like to call "au naturale" birth control, meaning IT DOESN'T WORK! Jesus, Mary and Joseph (speaking of, while I was waiting, I said a Hail Mary to myself and I thought, "I bet Mary never had to worry about stuff like this" I mean really? Who thinks that?). But because I am a nice person, I simply smiled and reminded her that I had been in before for infertility so no I did not need contraception.

After the fun times were over, we talked about the infertility road and it's decided that after my next cycle, I will call to schedule a dye test (to check for blockages in my tubes). If there are blockages, they will most likely perform laparoscopy in order to remove those blockages. If there are none it's off to the fertility doctor with me. At this point, I'm not really sure which I prefer. I just have to remind myself, one step at a time.

I Want Money, That's What I Want

Tra, La.  I knew this morning when I pulled out my subdivision and someone honked at me, it would be a terrible day.  Silly me though, I ignored the feeling and told myself it would be a great day and shrugged it off.  Then there was major traffic, but no biggie!  The sun was shining! It was going to be a great day!  Then I got to work and I quickly realized that the person honking at me was truly a sign of foreboding of the day to come.  I am generally a glass is half empty kind of gal so really, I suppose this is what I get for being just a tad big optimistic.  I must remember to go with my gut instinct!

Long story short - my hours were cut at work.  Not tremendously, but enough to make me want to cry (of course I took the advice of one Kelly Cutrone and did not).  I don't really want to hash out all the details because if there is one thing I have learned from reading Meg at 2birds1blog, it's that you don't write about your place of employment, no matter how much entertainment they may provide for your blog.  So like Belinda Carlisle, my lips are sealed on this one. 

This was a major shot to my motivation though.  After putting all things baby on the back burner for a while, I was really to attack Mission Probable: Get Mama a Baby, head on and with full force.  One way or another I am/was focused on gettin' me a baby, but now...?

Admitedly on mine and husband's salaries alone, we would have to save for approximately 100 years before we could afford adoption or any major fertility treatment (ok that is a slight exaggeration, but only slightly).  I mean when it comes to these things we are talking beaucoup bucks.  Sure, for adoption you get major tax credits, but you know, you have to come up with the beaucoup bucks before you get the baby and tax credit. Part of Mission Probable was figuring out all that hooey.

Now I am just confused.  How can I actively pursue either path when things are somewhat unstable with work?  If we chose to pursue any one path, I would always be thinking in the back of mind, what if I lose my job?  What if I never get those hours back?  How will we make this work?  And the adoption agencies?  They would probably laugh in my face at this point.  "You're how old?"  "You are on a reduced work schedule?"  "Just how will you be able to afford this?"  I mean c'mon, this isn't an episode of One Tree Hill and I certainly am no Brooke Davis.  I have to wonder if maybe this is a sign from God telling me it's not time to pursue this.  That maybe I should wait until I am more financially stable.  Maybe this still just isn't my time.  Sheesh, it's enough to make a barren woman go crazy.

It's funny though how all roads lead to infertility when you are going through it.  When this was announced to me, I wasn't thinking about mortgage payments, bills, car payments, clothing purchases, vacations, etc.  I thought, "How am I going to make this getting a baby thing work?"  Priorities, people.  Priorities.

Am I making a bigger deal out of this than necessary - at least on the baby front - um, probably.  But the issue still remains that this venture is going to cost money, boatloads of money, that Mama doesn't have immediate access to.  This situation at work only make that issue that much more poignant.

What's a gal to do?



 

It's the Journey AND the Destination

Many moons ago, I went to the movies with some friends where we met some boys that were friends of a friend.  I was a sophomore in high school and I had no real interest in any of these boys.  Fast forward about 10 years and I have now been married to one of those boys for the past three years.  Life is funny that way. We have been seriously happy for those years.  We had a beautiful wedding, bought a nice house and adopted an adorable golden retreiver mix.  It's pretty much a picture perfect life right?  If life is a puzzle, then most of the puzzle pieces to my life have been put together to make this picture, but there is a big gaping hole in the puzzle.  Children.  You're probably wondering, "Just where is that baby?".    

Good question.  It's a question I wish I had the answer to, but unfortunately I don't.  What I do know is this: Most people wake up one morning, look at their spouse and agree that it's time to start a family.  A few months later, two is now three, three becomes four and so on.  For me and my husband?  It's just not that easy.

A little over a year ago, my husband and I decided that we wanted to start a family.  We were scared about what that might mean, but we were ready, or so we thought.  After much denial and months of nothing happening, I knew that something wasn't right.  My cycles just weren't "normal".  So I went to the doctor, where they confirmed my suspicions.  I don't ovulate... at least not on a normal basis.  Maybe I do, maybe I don't.  It's a crap shoot.  It was a letdown, but not really all that surprising.  And so it began... a long journey towards becoming a family.

We started out doing Clomid which ended as a FAIL.  We actually had one promising month, but it didn't end in a pregnancy.  The next month yielded no ovulation and a trip to the doctor where they referred me to a specialist and to do a dye test.  For several reasons we decided to hold off because we weren't sure that we were ready to pursue the whole thing.  So since October we have been a on break and that break has been amazing.  In that time, we went to California, celebrated Christmas, hung out with friends and my husband became Catholic. 

Recently though, we have decided the pick up the whole thing again because we are ready.  We are ready to start our family, ready to learn if we can do it with minimal treatment, ready to learn if there is no possible way.  We are ready for whatever.  So this where this blog comes in.  Some people say that it's not the journey it's the destination.  Some people say it's the destination not the journey.  For me, it's both the journey and the destination.

Hopefully, one way or another, this journey leads me to the destination I hope for: a baby.