Tra, La. I knew this morning when I pulled out my subdivision and someone honked at me, it would be a terrible day. Silly me though, I ignored the feeling and told myself it would be a great day and shrugged it off. Then there was major traffic, but no biggie! The sun was shining! It was going to be a great day! Then I got to work and I quickly realized that the person honking at me was truly a sign of foreboding of the day to come. I am generally a glass is half empty kind of gal so really, I suppose this is what I get for being just a tad big optimistic. I must remember to go with my gut instinct!
Long story short - my hours were cut at work. Not tremendously, but enough to make me want to cry (of course I took the advice of one Kelly Cutrone and did not). I don't really want to hash out all the details because if there is one thing I have learned from reading Meg at 2birds1blog, it's that you don't write about your place of employment, no matter how much entertainment they may provide for your blog. So like Belinda Carlisle, my lips are sealed on this one.
This was a major shot to my motivation though. After putting all things baby on the back burner for a while, I was really to attack Mission Probable: Get Mama a Baby, head on and with full force. One way or another I am/was focused on gettin' me a baby, but now...?
Admitedly on mine and husband's salaries alone, we would have to save for approximately 100 years before we could afford adoption or any major fertility treatment (ok that is a slight exaggeration, but only slightly). I mean when it comes to these things we are talking beaucoup bucks. Sure, for adoption you get major tax credits, but you know, you have to come up with the beaucoup bucks before you get the baby and tax credit. Part of Mission Probable was figuring out all that hooey.
Now I am just confused. How can I actively pursue either path when things are somewhat unstable with work? If we chose to pursue any one path, I would always be thinking in the back of mind, what if I lose my job? What if I never get those hours back? How will we make this work? And the adoption agencies? They would probably laugh in my face at this point. "You're how old?" "You are on a reduced work schedule?" "Just how will you be able to afford this?" I mean c'mon, this isn't an episode of One Tree Hill and I certainly am no Brooke Davis. I have to wonder if maybe this is a sign from God telling me it's not time to pursue this. That maybe I should wait until I am more financially stable. Maybe this still just isn't my time. Sheesh, it's enough to make a barren woman go crazy.
It's funny though how all roads lead to infertility when you are going through it. When this was announced to me, I wasn't thinking about mortgage payments, bills, car payments, clothing purchases, vacations, etc. I thought, "How am I going to make this getting a baby thing work?" Priorities, people. Priorities.
Am I making a bigger deal out of this than necessary - at least on the baby front - um, probably. But the issue still remains that this venture is going to cost money, boatloads of money, that Mama doesn't have immediate access to. This situation at work only make that issue that much more poignant.
What's a gal to do?