Monday, April 5, 2010

It's the Journey AND the Destination

Many moons ago, I went to the movies with some friends where we met some boys that were friends of a friend.  I was a sophomore in high school and I had no real interest in any of these boys.  Fast forward about 10 years and I have now been married to one of those boys for the past three years.  Life is funny that way. We have been seriously happy for those years.  We had a beautiful wedding, bought a nice house and adopted an adorable golden retreiver mix.  It's pretty much a picture perfect life right?  If life is a puzzle, then most of the puzzle pieces to my life have been put together to make this picture, but there is a big gaping hole in the puzzle.  Children.  You're probably wondering, "Just where is that baby?".    

Good question.  It's a question I wish I had the answer to, but unfortunately I don't.  What I do know is this: Most people wake up one morning, look at their spouse and agree that it's time to start a family.  A few months later, two is now three, three becomes four and so on.  For me and my husband?  It's just not that easy.

A little over a year ago, my husband and I decided that we wanted to start a family.  We were scared about what that might mean, but we were ready, or so we thought.  After much denial and months of nothing happening, I knew that something wasn't right.  My cycles just weren't "normal".  So I went to the doctor, where they confirmed my suspicions.  I don't ovulate... at least not on a normal basis.  Maybe I do, maybe I don't.  It's a crap shoot.  It was a letdown, but not really all that surprising.  And so it began... a long journey towards becoming a family.

We started out doing Clomid which ended as a FAIL.  We actually had one promising month, but it didn't end in a pregnancy.  The next month yielded no ovulation and a trip to the doctor where they referred me to a specialist and to do a dye test.  For several reasons we decided to hold off because we weren't sure that we were ready to pursue the whole thing.  So since October we have been a on break and that break has been amazing.  In that time, we went to California, celebrated Christmas, hung out with friends and my husband became Catholic. 

Recently though, we have decided the pick up the whole thing again because we are ready.  We are ready to start our family, ready to learn if we can do it with minimal treatment, ready to learn if there is no possible way.  We are ready for whatever.  So this where this blog comes in.  Some people say that it's not the journey it's the destination.  Some people say it's the destination not the journey.  For me, it's both the journey and the destination.

Hopefully, one way or another, this journey leads me to the destination I hope for: a baby.

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