I confess that I enjoy hearing other people's stories of infertility. Well, I guess "enjoy" really isn't the right word for the situation. It's interesting to see and hear how others deal with the situation. I've never really watched the show about Giuliana and Bill Rancic, but I am aware of their struggles to start a family. I found this link today and I teared up reading it - especially the video (Pathetic, I know). It's nothing crazy special, but it was nice to see someone else say that their marriage is better and stronger because of their struggle. I wholeheartedly believe that mine and my husband's marriage is stronger because of our journey which is important because so so many couples who struggle with infertility end in divorce. I hope that their marriage continues to grow stronger in the face of adversity, just like ours has.
Video via Us Weekly
Friday, February 11, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Perspective
This past weekend, the husband and I had some interesting conversations/revelations. It is no secret that I want children. I want to experience pregnancy (although not the morning sickness). I want to know what it's like to have a baby growing inside of me and feel the baby move. I want to look down and every week see my belly getting bigger (and no getting fat would not suffice). While I want to experience all those things, I am however not opposed to adoption. If that is the path the leads us to parenthood then I'm all for it, as is the husband. I can think of no better way to serve God and help a child in need than to adopt. In some ways, I feel like it is what I was put on this earth to do, but there is still a lot of planning, prayer and thinking that needs to be done in order for any of that to become a reality.
It's hard to make a move in any one direction though.
I really like the way that my life is right now. And so does my husband.
Don't get us wrong. If I found out tomorrow I was expecting, we would be over the moon about it. There is no doubt in my mind that we both want to be parents and that we would make good parents.
It's just... we like the way life is right now. We can go to work, come home and just veg out if we want. We can decide last minute to run out to the mall or go to the movies. We can take day trips up in Ohio to go shopping and spend our money on things we want. We can plan a weekend trip only two weeks in advance. We can sleep in late or stay up super late. We can sit around the house all day long and not do a darn thing. We are free to do just about whatever we want (within reason, obviously).
All that would change, drastically, if we were to have a baby. Even though we have had nearly four years of this freedom, we don't know if we are quite ready to give that up just yet.
Friday night we went to see a play with another married couple. We left right after work and went to dinner and then to the show. As we were leaving the husband and I got talking about the rest of the plans and somehow the topic of children got brought up. We had watched our niece earlier in the week, and while we love spending time with her, we both agreed it was nice to send her home. We could relax and just be with each other. We didn't have to entertain anyone else or put anyone to bed. We were responsible for no one but ourselves. As we got talking about our Saturday we were both excited to be able to sleep in and then go out to breakfast. Things that would not be impossible with children, but definitely not easy.
While we were out to breakfast, we noticed a man and woman with twins. They got served their food and then both had to cut up food and what not for the kids before they could ever even eat. We both agreed that we were perfectly fine to be sitting there sans children and able to enjoy our food when it was served.
So what's the point in all this rambling? It's all about perspective. I often get jealous when people are pregnant or talk about their babies because I want that in my life. I want to have the absolute surprise of taking a pregnancy test and finding a plus sign or two double lines or what have you. However, I'm not 100% read to give up my current life. I sometimes like the way things are! I can sit here and say I'm so jealous that so and so is pregnant, but at the same time I like I can be selfish or just spend time with my husband.
I am getting scared though. I'm getting scared that I'm getting too comfortable with the way my life is that I'll never make the move to explore our options with fertility or adoption. While I know that I want to have a family, it's hard to make the commitment to starting a family because I know that my life will change and it will change forever. How will I know when I'm ready to let most of my freedoms go?
I'm not writing this to rub it anyone's face that I can do whatever, and I'm not saying that it must suck to have children. I'm just saying that for me, it's hard to make the commitment when I'm pretty happy with the way things are right now. Is that so bad?
It's hard to make a move in any one direction though.
I really like the way that my life is right now. And so does my husband.
Don't get us wrong. If I found out tomorrow I was expecting, we would be over the moon about it. There is no doubt in my mind that we both want to be parents and that we would make good parents.
It's just... we like the way life is right now. We can go to work, come home and just veg out if we want. We can decide last minute to run out to the mall or go to the movies. We can take day trips up in Ohio to go shopping and spend our money on things we want. We can plan a weekend trip only two weeks in advance. We can sleep in late or stay up super late. We can sit around the house all day long and not do a darn thing. We are free to do just about whatever we want (within reason, obviously).
All that would change, drastically, if we were to have a baby. Even though we have had nearly four years of this freedom, we don't know if we are quite ready to give that up just yet.
Friday night we went to see a play with another married couple. We left right after work and went to dinner and then to the show. As we were leaving the husband and I got talking about the rest of the plans and somehow the topic of children got brought up. We had watched our niece earlier in the week, and while we love spending time with her, we both agreed it was nice to send her home. We could relax and just be with each other. We didn't have to entertain anyone else or put anyone to bed. We were responsible for no one but ourselves. As we got talking about our Saturday we were both excited to be able to sleep in and then go out to breakfast. Things that would not be impossible with children, but definitely not easy.
While we were out to breakfast, we noticed a man and woman with twins. They got served their food and then both had to cut up food and what not for the kids before they could ever even eat. We both agreed that we were perfectly fine to be sitting there sans children and able to enjoy our food when it was served.
So what's the point in all this rambling? It's all about perspective. I often get jealous when people are pregnant or talk about their babies because I want that in my life. I want to have the absolute surprise of taking a pregnancy test and finding a plus sign or two double lines or what have you. However, I'm not 100% read to give up my current life. I sometimes like the way things are! I can sit here and say I'm so jealous that so and so is pregnant, but at the same time I like I can be selfish or just spend time with my husband.
I am getting scared though. I'm getting scared that I'm getting too comfortable with the way my life is that I'll never make the move to explore our options with fertility or adoption. While I know that I want to have a family, it's hard to make the commitment to starting a family because I know that my life will change and it will change forever. How will I know when I'm ready to let most of my freedoms go?
I'm not writing this to rub it anyone's face that I can do whatever, and I'm not saying that it must suck to have children. I'm just saying that for me, it's hard to make the commitment when I'm pretty happy with the way things are right now. Is that so bad?
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
I'm Sorry, Sir! I Have an Addiction!
Hi, my name is MrsBill and I have an addiction. That addiction is buying beauty products. I.cannot.stop. I understand that this is not something that new or groundbreaking as I'm sure most other ladies feel the same way. While I don't spend a ton of money on any one individual product I try to be smart about what I do buy. I hate to take a risk and buy something only to not like it. If I'm going to buy something, I want to be sure that I'll use what I'm buying. I just hate to waste. That's why YouTube has been very helpful. If you've ever watched any YouTube Beauty videos, you have seen that they often do "current loves" or "monthly favorites". So since I'm currently trying all kinds of new items, I thought I would do something similar here on the ole' blog so here are my current favorites:
Nail Polishes - Sally Hansen's "Commander in Chic" and OPI's "Lincoln Park after Dark"
There are two colors that I'm really loving right now. Currently I am wearing Lincoln Park after Dark and it's the first time I've worn it. There is just something I like about black nails. My husband asks if I'm feeling goth and like no one loves me. I happen to think they look chic. Commander in Chic is a great grey-ish purple color. I love both formulas too, but I'm thinking I may like the Sally Hansen just a bit better. Plus the brush is a bit angled and at first I hated it, but now I've found that I love it. You should try it out if you haven't already.
St. Ives Naturally Clear Apricot Scrub
I have been using this product for about a week now, and I think I can say that I'm officially in love. Is it wrong to be in love with a beauty product? Don't answer that. I feel like since I was a teenager I have been trying to find a good face cleanser that will keep my skin clear. So far this has been working wonderfully. It's like a pimple will pop up over night and by the next day the thing has reduced dramatically. I always swore by another product but it really doesn't even compare to this. And the best part? I only paid $3.50 for it at Wal-Mart. I.am.in.love and I don't care who knows it!
Cover Girl Shimmering Sands Trio
This is really by far one of my favorite eye shadows and it's by Cover Girl. I like that it gives a nice neutral eye look and isn't too shimmery or overpowering. It blends perfectly and the colors are really pigmented. This picture was taken with a flash so that last color looks more white, but in person it's a bit more pink. I like to use that color on my inner corner and as my highlight. It really is a great drugstore find.
E.L.F Eye Shadow Brush
For being $1.00 this brush is amazing. I use it everyday and it really packs the color on. I feel like it puts a lot of color on and places it on nicely. I hate when it seems like the brush just soaks up all the products and you left with a slight dusting on your face. This doesn't do that at all and you really can't beat a dollar!
So there you have my current favorite products. As always, no one paid me to say these nice things I just felt like saying them because they're all true!
Monday, February 7, 2011
Blog Stalking
Is it bad that when I hear the word "stalking" the only thing I can think of is Pauly from Jersey Shore talking about his stalker and how she, "stalked his whole entire life"? Methinks this is a sign that I watch too much Jersey Shore... At least that's the only MTV show that I watch. That makes me feel a little better about my TV preferences but not really by much.
But I digress...
The real point of this post is blog stalking. I do it. I admit, my name is MrsBill and I'm a blog stalker. I try to comment on posts that I read, but sometimes I'm too busy or the post already has a million comments that I feel mine will get lost in the mumbo jumbo (sidenote: I do find it very nice when I comment on someone's post that has tons of comments and they respond to mine through email... I really would like to start doing that!). Sometimes I just don't know what to write. I love finding blogs that I enjoy reading and I like to go through them and read a lot of their posts. It's hard to get the gist of someone's blogging style from just one post. The point it, I blog stalk and I know that others do too.
When I got started blogging I wanted to remain annonymous, well as annonymous as I could whilst posting pictures and the such. I don't use my real name because I don't want someone to be able to Google me and find the blog. I think this is perfectly acceptable. I just didn't know about friends or family reading the blog. Obviously, I'm not stupid and I realized that it quite the possibility that people I know "in real life" would find the blog. Over the weekend my husband's aunt (hi, Gina!!) told me that she reads the old blog. At first, I was embarrassed. Does anyone else feel this way about blogging? I felt like suddenly all my secrets were exposed! But really? I'm writing these "secrets" for the world to see. Clearly these aren't secrets!
So I had to wonder, why am I blogging if I'm so embarrassed about it? The whole reason for starting this blog in particular was to write about my struggles with infertility. I needed an outlet because a lot of time I have found that it's hard to share my feelings about the journey. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable, so sometimes it's hard to discuss it with people I'm close to. I wanted to mind support (not that I don't get any from my family and friends) and find people that were like me - and not just in the sense of infertility. Ultimately though I wanted to share my story and I felt like blogging was a good way to do it. It is my own little corner of the world where I don't have to apologize all the time for being jealous or sad or being happy about certain things. I can just be me.
And so, I guess my whole point is that I have accepted that people I know may read the blog. People I don't know read the blog, and I'm okay with both. Not that I'm going to run out and tell everyone I have a blog, but you get the picture.
So what I'm asking is if you read this blog regularly or just happen upon it, say hi! I would love to know who's out there and I would love to connect with you.
And as always I am happy to share this little part of my life with you!
But I digress...
The real point of this post is blog stalking. I do it. I admit, my name is MrsBill and I'm a blog stalker. I try to comment on posts that I read, but sometimes I'm too busy or the post already has a million comments that I feel mine will get lost in the mumbo jumbo (sidenote: I do find it very nice when I comment on someone's post that has tons of comments and they respond to mine through email... I really would like to start doing that!). Sometimes I just don't know what to write. I love finding blogs that I enjoy reading and I like to go through them and read a lot of their posts. It's hard to get the gist of someone's blogging style from just one post. The point it, I blog stalk and I know that others do too.
When I got started blogging I wanted to remain annonymous, well as annonymous as I could whilst posting pictures and the such. I don't use my real name because I don't want someone to be able to Google me and find the blog. I think this is perfectly acceptable. I just didn't know about friends or family reading the blog. Obviously, I'm not stupid and I realized that it quite the possibility that people I know "in real life" would find the blog. Over the weekend my husband's aunt (hi, Gina!!) told me that she reads the old blog. At first, I was embarrassed. Does anyone else feel this way about blogging? I felt like suddenly all my secrets were exposed! But really? I'm writing these "secrets" for the world to see. Clearly these aren't secrets!
So I had to wonder, why am I blogging if I'm so embarrassed about it? The whole reason for starting this blog in particular was to write about my struggles with infertility. I needed an outlet because a lot of time I have found that it's hard to share my feelings about the journey. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable, so sometimes it's hard to discuss it with people I'm close to. I wanted to mind support (not that I don't get any from my family and friends) and find people that were like me - and not just in the sense of infertility. Ultimately though I wanted to share my story and I felt like blogging was a good way to do it. It is my own little corner of the world where I don't have to apologize all the time for being jealous or sad or being happy about certain things. I can just be me.
And so, I guess my whole point is that I have accepted that people I know may read the blog. People I don't know read the blog, and I'm okay with both. Not that I'm going to run out and tell everyone I have a blog, but you get the picture.
So what I'm asking is if you read this blog regularly or just happen upon it, say hi! I would love to know who's out there and I would love to connect with you.
And as always I am happy to share this little part of my life with you!
Friday, February 4, 2011
So Where Have I Been?
In my absence, I have been uber busy. Okay. Not really. I pretend like I'm beyond busy, but I'm really not - at least through the week. In an average week, I'm busy on Monday nights teaching CCD, but any other night I'm pretty much doing laundry, blog stalking, watching TV or hanging out with the husband. Fun, right? The weekend though can be somewhat hectic, like last weekend. Friday night we had a game night with some other couples, Saturday we had homecoming all.day.long and Sunday we had brunch with my family. It really felt like we did not stop, but we had such a good time. Especially with Homecoming.
The college that my husband and I went to is a smaller state school that does not have a football team, so Homecoming is held during basketball season. There are several events throughout the week for the students and then the weekend is dedicated to several alumni events. We participated in the the Saturday events starting with the alumni chili cook off. The husband and I participated with our good friends from college. We knew we had to really step up our game and not just make good chili because a chili cook off is rarely about the chili itself.
The college that my husband and I went to is a smaller state school that does not have a football team, so Homecoming is held during basketball season. There are several events throughout the week for the students and then the weekend is dedicated to several alumni events. We participated in the the Saturday events starting with the alumni chili cook off. The husband and I participated with our good friends from college. We knew we had to really step up our game and not just make good chili because a chili cook off is rarely about the chili itself.
Our setup
The setup was nice enough. We had crackers and cheese and individually wrapped pieces of cornbread. We even had a personalized bobble head. The other contestants were wary, but then we pulled out the secret weapon ... and then they were shaking in their boots.
Personalized.Aprons.
Yeah, that's right. Personalized aprons. They were key for many reasons. One they were handmade and personalized and just overall awesome. Second, they had our names and graduation years on them. We are standing in reverse order, but starting with the guy on the end he graduation in 2004, his wife graduated in 2005, I graduated in 2006 and my husband graduated in 2007. Third, they had our Greek organizations on them. This was absolute key because the current students who were in the organizations automatically voted for us.
The result for all of our hard work? We won. Oh yeah. You are currently reading the blog of an award winning chili chef. You are honored, I'm sure.
After the cookoff it was time for the game, which we of course won. We were lucky enough to enjoy the second half of the game from the University President's suite. We're kind of a big deal. People know us. (Not really, more like we know other people).
The night ended with an alumni reception and my husband and I both won door prizes.
Overall, I'm saying this year's Homecoming was an absolute success. Next year we plan on coming back to defend our chili trophy. I see a dynasty in my future...
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Hanging My Head in Shame
Tonight, I'm channeling Chandler Bing... could I BE any worse as a blogger?
Wait.
Don't answer that.
If there were a contest for the worst bloggers, I'm pretty sure I would be in the top five. Okay, but not top five. But surely top ten.
If the name FailBlog weren't already taken, I'd name my site that.
Why do I have such low blogger-esteem? Well for starters, I'm a sporadic writer. I love writing and when I'm not blogging I continually look at situations and think, "that would be great to blog about!!" Unfortunately (actually probably fortunately as some things I think that are funny and interesting aren't nearly as funny or interesting to others as they are to me) I rarely write about those things. I get distracted and then it's hard to "make a comeback" if you will.
Second, people comment on my entries which I love, but then I can't respond to them. I click on their names to email them and then it want Outlook to send the email and I don't have Outlook and then I try to email from Yahoo and it's just a big old mess. Then I feel guilty. I promise though, if you have left a comment, I have seen it and I'm not ignoring you. Promise! I usually try to visit your blog and comment on something you've written, but I never feel as though this suffices. I'm trying to figure out a solution which is probably super simple, and I'm over-thinking it.
Third, I remembered this week that I had an email address set up for this site and that when I leave comments on people's blogs they respond to me there. So if you have emailed me and I haven't responded, that's why.
Lord, do you think I could have any more excuses?
Then there is the matter of my computer being what I like to call a hooker and she contracted an STD and was out of commission for most of this week. Seriously. She needs to learn to protect herself out there on the interwebs. What is most annoying is she wasn't even doing anything terribly wrong. She was helping me find scarf tying techniques. Dirty.
So I'm making an effort. I will do my best to be a better blogger. Promise.
Wait.
Don't answer that.
If there were a contest for the worst bloggers, I'm pretty sure I would be in the top five. Okay, but not top five. But surely top ten.
If the name FailBlog weren't already taken, I'd name my site that.
Why do I have such low blogger-esteem? Well for starters, I'm a sporadic writer. I love writing and when I'm not blogging I continually look at situations and think, "that would be great to blog about!!" Unfortunately (actually probably fortunately as some things I think that are funny and interesting aren't nearly as funny or interesting to others as they are to me) I rarely write about those things. I get distracted and then it's hard to "make a comeback" if you will.
Second, people comment on my entries which I love, but then I can't respond to them. I click on their names to email them and then it want Outlook to send the email and I don't have Outlook and then I try to email from Yahoo and it's just a big old mess. Then I feel guilty. I promise though, if you have left a comment, I have seen it and I'm not ignoring you. Promise! I usually try to visit your blog and comment on something you've written, but I never feel as though this suffices. I'm trying to figure out a solution which is probably super simple, and I'm over-thinking it.
Third, I remembered this week that I had an email address set up for this site and that when I leave comments on people's blogs they respond to me there. So if you have emailed me and I haven't responded, that's why.
Lord, do you think I could have any more excuses?
Then there is the matter of my computer being what I like to call a hooker and she contracted an STD and was out of commission for most of this week. Seriously. She needs to learn to protect herself out there on the interwebs. What is most annoying is she wasn't even doing anything terribly wrong. She was helping me find scarf tying techniques. Dirty.
So I'm making an effort. I will do my best to be a better blogger. Promise.
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