"I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?"
I am definitely feeling overwhelmed at the moment. With starting a new job you would think this would be perfectly acceptable, only I'm not feeling overwhelmed by my job at all (which is a nice change of pace). So what is causing my state of angst?
I am on pregnancy over.load.
First, no, I'm NOT pregnant. I really hate that any time I mention the "p" word, I feel the need to add this disclaimer, but I just feel that we should all be on the same page here. I do realize that I'm kind of rambling here, but I want to write this entry and say something without saying something. Am I making the least bit of sense here?
Anyway, someone I have just met has recently disclosed that they are pregnant. Normally news like this causes me a great deal of angst, but because I hardly know this person I'm not all that hung up about it. I'm not jealous or sad, I'm just... whelmed, if you will. I spent a good part of last week talking about pregnancy and sharing some of my infertility trials and tribulations (I make sound like I've been to war, but sometimes I do feel like I am at war with my body). As we all know, I'm not really secretive about my infertility (hello, I blog about it to strangers, I think we past the point of secrets) so I don't mind sharing my experience. All is find and dandy.
Over the weekend though a friend asked how everything was going and if there was anything new and I really appreciated that. I feel like we spend a lot of time talking about friends kids (which I understand and I don't begrudge them) so to have someone come out and ask makes me happy and lets me know they care. Afterwards, on our way home though, I felt incredibly sad and frustrated. It was not anything the friend said or did, I just think after a week of pregnancy talk, talking about friends kids and then my infertility, I just felt like a boulder was sitting on me. That's what it feels like sometimes. Like you just.can't.breathe. I really can't explain it.
I think I'm just having a "moment" as I'm wont to do. Sometimes it's all fine and then we go through a period where everything is baby, baby, BABY and I'm like an ADD child on sensory overload. For the most part I can handle baby and pregnancy talk, but sometimes it gets to be a bit too much for me and I need to take some time to myself. I don't think that's too much to ask is it?