Tuesday, January 18, 2011


"I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?" 

I am definitely feeling overwhelmed at the moment.  With starting a new job you would think this would be perfectly acceptable, only I'm not feeling overwhelmed by my job at all (which is a nice change of pace).  So what is causing my state of angst?  

I am on pregnancy over.load. 

First, no, I'm NOT pregnant.  I really hate that any time I mention the "p" word, I feel the need to add this disclaimer, but I just feel that we should all be on the same page here.  I do realize that I'm kind of rambling here, but I want to write this entry and say something without saying something.  Am I making the least bit of sense here?  

Anyway, someone I have just met has recently disclosed that they are pregnant.  Normally news like this causes me a great deal of angst, but because I hardly know this person I'm not all that hung up about it.  I'm not jealous or sad, I'm just... whelmed, if you will.  I spent a good part of last week talking about pregnancy and sharing some of my infertility trials and tribulations (I make sound like I've been to war, but sometimes I do feel like I am at war with my body).  As we all know, I'm not really secretive about my infertility (hello, I blog about it to strangers, I think we past the point of secrets) so I don't mind sharing my experience.  All is find and dandy.  

Over the weekend though a friend asked how everything was going and if there was anything new and I really appreciated that.  I feel like we spend a lot of time talking about friends kids (which I understand and I don't begrudge them) so to have someone come out and ask makes me happy and lets me know they care.  Afterwards, on our way home though, I felt incredibly sad and frustrated.  It was not anything the friend said or did, I just think after a week of pregnancy talk, talking about friends kids and then my infertility, I just felt like a boulder was sitting on me.  That's what it feels like sometimes.  Like you just.can't.breathe.  I really can't explain it.   

I think I'm just having a "moment" as I'm wont to do.  Sometimes it's all fine and then we go through a period where everything is baby, baby, BABY and I'm like an ADD child on sensory overload.  For the most part I can handle baby and pregnancy talk, but sometimes it gets to be a bit too much for me and I need to take some time to myself.  I don't think that's too much to ask is it?

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