For Posterity's Sake

Change is on the horizon.  A change I didn't really think would ever happen (and before we get too far, no I am NOT pregnant). This year started out tumultuous and crazy and I have been living in the same holding pattern for nearly 12 whole months. Soon though, it's going to change.  And I'm happy and sad.  Excited and scared. Proud and guilty.  All at the same time. 

They say that things change when you least expect it and this case, "they" were most definitely right.  Sometimes when you stop searching and trying so hard, things just fall into place. 

Yes, change is on the horizon.

The Great Kentucky Debate (A Rant)

Generally, if you are from Kentucky, you either fall into one of two categories:

1. UK Fan
2. U of L Fan

There are a few people who dissent from both and follow either UC or Xavier (and in some really odd and bizarre cases Duke).

In this house we fall into the first category - UK fans.  Now, I'm not as big of a fan as my husband, but I do support the Big Blue over those stupid Cardinals any day of the week.

And living in the great commonwealth of Kentucky, I know how UK fans can be.  They can be a bit... obnoxious.  They like to count out their National Championships (seven) and talk about how they are the winningest program (first collegiate team with over 2,000 wins) and they like to talk about how great and wonderful and storied their program is.  I get it.  I get why a lot of people who aren't UK fans hate UK fans.

What I don't get?  Is why those people *cough*U of L/UC/etc. fans *cough* like to blow up my twitter and facebook spouting off about how "terrible" UK is and how it's "funny" when they are losing.  It is especially annoying when no one is saying anything bad to them about their teams.  No one is saying that it's pathetic they play no name schools.  No one is saying UC?  Who is that?  No one is bothering them, so why for the love of all that is holy do they blow up my news feed with this garbage?  Are they that bored that they have nothing better to do with their time?  Is their team that terrible that they have to watch UK just to be entertained?  And why do they have to harp on my husband who says nothing bad about their teams?  It is extremely irritating to me.  If you couldn't tell.

I guess the point of this entry is... well there is no point other than me just spouting off.  So there's that. Oh and...

GO BIG BLUE!!!

(for just the mere fact of making the haters shut up about it already!!)

Grrr...

Today was my last day of my time off.  I took Monday and today off because well... I had to take today as a "furlough" day and so I thought why not take Monday too?  So I did.  Besides I had to use my PTO because otherwise, I'm probably going to lose it.  Especially after this Friday - but THAT is a different post for a the very near future.  Anyway, I'm both happy and sad that today was my last day off.  Sad because that means I have to go back to work and happy because I get to become a functioning member of society again.  Well that's not totally true.  Yesterday the husband and I did spend the entire day Christmas shopping and lunching with some friends.  If stimulating a lagging economy isn't being a productive member of society, I don't know what is.  However, between today and Sunday I've been real lazy.  Sure I cleaned both days, but when I hardly leave the house I feel like a lazy hermit. Furthermore, one can only watch so many episodes of One Tree Hill, Gilmore Girls and Veronica Mars before one's head explodes. 

I did have these grand plans to write a few blog entries, all which included pictures, and then I realized I couldn't find my USB cord.  Such is my life.  So I'm frustrated about that.  Why is it, I can never find the darn thing when I need it?  If I don't find it within the next few days, it's going to be okay because I am getting a Nikon Cool Pix for Christmas so there's always that. 

So instead of getting a post about the fun stuff I was going to write about, you get me, complaining.  How lucky!  Oh!  You can also take a look at my To Do list for the rest of the week.  Some of the stuff probably makes no sense whatsoever, but maybe next week it will.  Cryptic much?  In looking at it, I probably should have tackled some of it today, but... Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda.

Oh and I just remembered - I have a DZ family dinner for tomorrow night too!  Funny how the things just add up. 

I hope everyone had a great Tuesday!

Are We Getting Wiser, or Just Older

I'm pretty sure the universe is trying to tell me something, and that something is that I'm old.  Apparently a lot older than I always thought I was.  Allow me to explain...

About a week ago, I was looking at the ads on my Facebook page for funsies, you know just to see how well Facebook knew me.  There was an ad for Delta Zeta memorabilia and then this:

Yeah that's right.  Facebook targeted me for advertising on defective hip replacements.  WHAT?!  Aren't they supposed to use information from you profile to target advertise to you?  Hence the Delta Zeta ads and the fact that I get all kinds of pregnancy ads (because I'm a certain age and married I suppose).  But this?  I was just insulted.  I scoured my profile trying to figure out why I would get this, but the jury is still out on that one.

So life went on and all was well and I decided to write the whole thing off as a funny joke.  Until Saturday afternoon.  I came home from running errands and found the mail sitting on the counter.  I was going through it when I found an envelope with the following letters on it - AARP.  It was addressed to none other than yours truly.  WHAT THE BLEEPITY BLEEP?!  I ran down to the basement where my husband was watching TV and thrust it in his face.  

Me:  What the F is this??
Him: LOLOLOLOLOL Is your card in there too?

I frantically opened the envelope to find:

(Sorry for the crappy cell phone picture.  And don't be jealous of the mad photoshopping skillz.)

Yes, it's true.  I had  have my very own AARP card.   My husband's response?

Him: I have to Facebook this right now.

Thanks, honey.  

In the end, I put this picture on FB and someone suggested that I activate the card and then take it to restaurants and demand for a discount.  Not a bad idea.

What I find just as insulting as actually receiving the AARP card is that it is in my maiden name.  So now no only does AARP think I'm old, they think I'm an old maid.  So I got that going for me too.

Oh universe.  Whatever am I going to with you?

Redemption

So I feel like I should write another entry since my last entry was quite... emotional.  Ugh.  Sorry about that.  I just have a lot of feelings lately and I don't know what it is.  The holidays, maybe?  Whatever it is, it really needs to go away because I'm seriously watching an episode of One Tree Hill and TEARING UP.  I'm so pathetic right now!

MOVING ON

Last night I was in a bad place (clearly) and my husband, not really knowing why I was so crabby, fixed it without even knowing he was fixing my broken heart.  He had just picked up our wedding video that day and so we sat down to watch it together.  It was just what I needed to remind me of how lucky and blessed I really am, even I don't get everything I want. 

So let's back up.  Yes, I did get married three and a (halfish) years ago, and yes, I just saw my wedding video for the first time last night.  Allow me to explain.  Husband and I got married when we were fresh out of college.  I had graduated in December and he had graduated just two months before the big day.  We were quite young and had only been working in the professional world for a few months.  We didn't have tons o' money to be throwing around and neither did our parents.  Our parents really helped out, but we did have to cover a portion of the wedding ourselves.  One of they ways we saved money was by not having a videographer, which quite frankly, is still a decision I am ok with.  Even if we got married now and had tons of money to spend on the affair, I still don't think I would shell out the money to have a professional video.  Sure it's nice to have, but I just don't find it necessary.  Besides, I hate the way my recorded voice sounds. 

Anyway, that was a long drawn out way of saying that my uncle taped the ceremony and parts of the reception for us.  It was on a tape that we couldn't play.  For years, my husband has been begging me to get it converted to DVD and for his birthday I finally did.  So finally, we got to see ourselves get married.  It was sweet. 

After watching the video though I came to the following conclusions:

• I would like to get married again.  Because that?  Was a heck of a good time.
• I was a bit heavier back then.  Not much, but I notice it.  Yick.
• The colors were gorgeous, no?

•  I still hate the way my voice sounds on video.
• I don't recognize some of the people who were at my wedding.  Is that bad?
• I STILL love my wedding cake.

But overall, I noticed how happy and in love we were (and still are).  I was reminded of what it felt like to have our entire future stretch out in front of us and not worry about the good and the bad.  It was a single night in our long past and future - really just a moment in time.  And for that moment our world was perfect, and it still is because no matter what, we still have each other.

Yeah, I think that's just the reminder I needed. 

Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda

Here come the emotions...

Well it's official: People my age are on to the second pregnancies and I can't even achieve one.  In a word, it's heartbreaking.  It's so hard to listen to someone tell you they are pregnant again and you can't even have one.  Of course I smile and congratulate, but on the inside I'm crying.  On the inside I'm so angry at myself and God.  Just sad.

To make matters worse, I'm pretty sure that I have come home everyday this week to get on on Facebook and find another person is pregnant.  I don't understand.

All I can think of this episode of Sex and the City - Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda.  I'm sure you've seen it - Miranda finds out she is pregnant while Charlotte finds out she is infertile.  There are two scenes in this episode that just bring me to tears.  The first is when Charlotte comes to brunch angry and frustrated that she has gotten her period and she says:

Charlotte: Do you know how many times Trey and I have done it without a condom?  73.  Have you any idea how much perfectly fine semen that is?

Carrie: No.  Samantha, rough estimate?

Charlotte: Enough for me to know in my bones that it's me.  And the big joke is, I spent my entire twenties worried that I'd get pregnant.  I could have been screwing everything in sight!  

Honestly?  It doesn't get more honest than that.  That pretty much sums up how you feel, how you know it's you.  You just know that you're the problem and that the situation is hopeless.  And she's right.  The big joke is, you do worry about getting pregnant and then you find out, in never could have happened.  When I think of how many times I worried about it, I could just kick myself.  

The other scene is when Charlotte runs into Miranda after Charlotte finds out that she is in fact infertile.

Miranda: This is hard for me too, you know?  And it doesn't make it any easier worrying that you hate me because you think you can't get pregnant.

Charlotte: I can't get pregnant.

Miranda: If I can, you can.

Charlotte: No I can't.  I just came from the doctor.  Here.  My body is attacking Trey's sperm.  15% chance! 15% change of ever having a baby!  Is it ok if I go now? 

Again, it breaks my heart.  I can't even watch the scene without bursting into tears.  Which, yeah, I just watched and sobbed myself silly.  

By the end of the episode, Miranda decides to keep the baby and Charlotte is happy for her.  And ultimately?  Yes, I am happy for those people in my life that are able to get pregnant.  I still love them and I love their children and am happy to be part of their lives.  Before I ever knew I had infertility issues, I admired Charlotte for her strength and bravery throughout the rest of the series regarding infertility.  She always managed to put others before the pain of what she was dealing with.  I know she is just a fictional character, but still, I find that I do identify with the character so much.  I hope that I can have just a bit of her strength and bravery because Lord knows it's tough.  

Perhaps my favorite scenes with Charlotte are here - especially around the 3:02 mark.  

Sorry the volume is so low - it's the only one I could find. I hope that one day, my husband and I share a moment just like that. And now I'm crying again. Like I said, here come the emotions...

Sometimes it just hits me harder than others and since my husband told me on Thanksgiving he thinks these will be the last holidays with his mother, all I can think about is how we don't have any grandchildren for her.  That if we are ever blessed enough to have children they will not know either of their grandparents on that side and she will never know them.  And what's worse, it's not my choice.  I could more easily accept this if it were a personal choice but it's not.

I don't know.  I guess just chalk it up to typical holiday emotions.  I'll be back to myself... hopefully sooner rather than later!

And to clarify, I don't hate people that are pregnant/can get pregnant.  I'm angry with myself and my situation and no one else (and maybe a little angry with God, but that's between me and Him).  Just thought I should throw that in!!

A Question...

I know that there are many teachers out there in the blogosphere so I propose this question to you all:

How do you do it every.single.day?

No... seriously.  I teach CCD, or Catholic Education classes to Catholic children that go to Public School.  It's for an hour every Monday night and most nights are tolerable.  Enjoyable even.  But tonight?  Tonight was difficult.  They were wild and crazy.  And I could handle that.  Really and truly.  But they also had attitudes.  Oh the attitudes.  That's hard for me to take.

I know it's the excitement of having the next five days off of school and the excitement of Christmas.  I get it.  I do.  It's hard for me to focus at work knowing that I have a few days off.  

What's sad is I was going to do this for a living!  I guess God really does know what he's doing, after all.  Oy vey.  

Now I shall self medicate with episodes of One Tree Hill.  Season 6 is playing on the WB!

An Announcement

I have an announcement to make.  I want an iPhone based solely on the site http://damnyouautocorrect.com/.  I was laughing hysterically at this stuff last night.  My husband thought I was crazy, but he was laughing at some of them too.

via here

And that's all I have to say about that.

Happy Weekend, everyone!

I Should Be...

Let's play a little game called, "What I should be doing".  Fun, yes?

I should be doing the laundry... but instead I'm playing on the internet.

I should be deciding what we're having for dinner... but instead I'm snacking on some chips.

I should be brainstorming about Christmas gifts for people... but instead I'm thinking of what to buy myself.

I should be cleaning the kitchen, but instead I'm making silly lists. 

I should be reading the last book my sister gave me... but instead I'm thinking of how I get another Elin Hilderbrand book.

I should be walking my dog... but instead I'm just looking at her "junk in the trunk".

I should be cleaning my bedroom... but instead I'm thinking about how that would lead to laundry (see number 1on this list).

I should be feeling bad about some certain things... but instead I really just can't it in me.

I should be planning my PREP lesson for next week... but instead I'm thinking of how many days I have between now and then.

And now the word "should" looks really funny.

What should you be doing, and what are you doing instead?

Blast From the Past

This weekend, we went to eat at my parents house for my husband's birthday.  My mother went on a a crazy spree and was trying to give all these random things to me and my sister.  It started out innocently enough with Waterford Crystal from our great uncle and quickly moved to her trying to get us to take home our childhood treasures.  I'm sorry, but aren't our parents supposed to store these things for us, for forever?  Or is that just me?  She was successful and did get me to take home a few things including this little gem:

 

Yeah, that my Seniors '02 sweatshirt from high school.  DON'T be jealous because I know you are.  See I went to an all girls Catholic high school (which is not at all as terrible as it sounds).  We wore the obligatory uniform that all Catholic students must wear (NOT like Britney Spears) which included a uniform sweatshirt.  Up until your senior year, your only choices were a fugly navy sweater with the school name embroidered on the left breast or an even fuglier navy sweatshirt with the school name and some crest smack dab in the center.  In your senior year though you got a real treat and you could not only wear a different sweatshirt, BUT your class got to design it.  This was the design that won.  I'm pretty sure it won because of the sweet  sleeve design.  Who doesn't love a good sleeve design? 

When I saw this sitting in the closet, I was both excited and sad.  Excited to see something I haven't seen in years, and sad at just how many years it had been.  Seriously, is my 10 year high school reunion in just a few short years?  This can't be.  Surely this is a sick joke something is playing on me.  

Along with the sweatshirt, my mom sent me home with a box of pictures from high school/early college.  I do wish I owned a scanner so that I could share with you the awesomeness that was me.  Or maybe I'm glad because that surely doesn't need to be shared with the rest of the world!

Any other '02 grads out there?

 

What I'm Loving Wednesday

I've seen tons 'o bloggers doing the What I'm Loving Wednesday posts and I decided to link up and do one of my own.  Because I always love a good bandwagon.  Even if I don't always stay on...

I'm Loving Taylor Swift's new album.  I got it less than a month ago and I pretty much know every single song by heart already.  Probably because it plays on repeat on my iPod nonstop.

I'm loving that a week from today I will be celebrating the fact that I don't have to go to work for FOUR whole days.  I really hate to wish my life way, but I live for days off work.

I'm loving that the holidays are right around the corner!  Usually, I'm stressed about the holidays, but this year I am beyond thrilled.  Probably because after the first of the year a new life will be starting for me.  (No, it's not a baby!!)

I'm loving adding to my Amazon Wish list.  Everything I see I just want to hit "add to Wish List".  It's an addiction.

I'm loving the fact that my husband and I finally went to the grocery store.  I am embarrassed to say that it looked like a couple of college kids lived in our house if you looked at our pantry.  Luckily this is no more!

I'm loving books by Elin Hilderbrand.  I may or may not have read about 5 of them in two weeks time.  They're so good!  They are all set on the island of Nantucket and now it's my life's mission to visit there.  At least once!

What are you all loving?

Now This is Too Much

I saw this article today on Yahoo about one of my old favorite TV shows, Days of Our Lives.  I used to watch that show every day after school starting when I was in the fifth grade.  I was there for Marlena's possession.  I saw Belle go from a baby to a teenager over night.  I saw John as Roman and as a priest and as Kristen husband and as Marlena's husband. I saw Hope come back as Princess Gina and then get her memory back.  I saw it all.  Except I never saw what the article was talking about - product placement.  Sure it's common practice for shows to show a certain product or mention a certain product, but this?  This is just plain BAD.  Check it out...

Now I'm Haunted

So I fell off the wagon.  I didn't complete the 30 day Challenge and I really, really wanted to.  It's just, life got in the way, you know?  Or maybe my laziness got in the way.  Or maybe both.  Either way, I won't be completing it and that's just the way the cookie crumbles. 

I'm in a bumming kind of mood.  There's a lot going on, and I find when other areas of my life are blowing up in my face, the infertility thing just is magnified by a million.  Then to add insult to injury, everyone announces they are pregnant, and I'm left feeling even worse than I felt before. 

I'm sorry.  This isn't a very uplifting post is it? 

It's just today was ick.  Three people got laid off at work between Friday and today.  This is the latest in a series that has spanned the entire year.  Since the beginning of the year nearly 20 people have gotten laid off from my work.  Which doesn't sound like a lot, but it's a small company, made even smaller now.  It's really hard to deal with all of it. 

Then I'm driving home, happy to be free, singing to some new Taylor Swift and CRACK!  A rock comes and hits my windshield leaving a nice crack in it.  Now this wouldn't be so bad because in the great Commonwealth of Kentucky our insurance companies but replace/repair the windshield free of charge - one per year.  Excellent!  Only did you see that one per year thing?  Yeah, I already claimed mine - less than two months ago.  Yes, that's right.  This has already happened to me once this year and that was less than two months ago.  Two months!  And did I mentioned it happened in the exact same spot on the expressway?  Words cannot describe my anger. 

Then I come home to find some solace.  Well I shouldn't have looked to blogs/Facebook for that.  I saw that two new people were pregnant which just irritates me.  I should probably back up a bit here.  I was already a little irritated with the whole thing when I logged on FB last night and every single picture that had been uploaded were of babies.  Babies, babies, babies.  It depressed me to no end.  Then to find that more people are pregnant?  It's salt in wounds, people.  Salt.in.wounds.

And now I should really go do some laundry, but I think I'm just going to listen to more Taylor Swift and wallow in my pity. 

Tomorrow will be happier.  I promise. 

Catch Up

So I missed a few days in the 30 day Blog Challenge, but there is always time to catch up, right?

Let's get started:

Day 12 - What you Believe

I believe:

• in God
• some of God's greatest gifts really are unanswered prayers
• everything happens for a reason.  You may not know it at the time, but there is a reason for it.
• one day I will have a family.
• in the goodness of my family and friends.
• an episode of Sex and the City or Gilmore Girls has fix just about anything.
• in the color pink.
• sometimes being lazy can be fun.
• in marriage.
• in being the best version of myself.
• in myself.

Day 13 - Goals

Honestly, I don't have a ton of goals.  There is really only one that is near and dear to my heart and that's number one and the list.

• Start a family
• Get a new job
• Complete my 30 before 30 goals
• Payoff any and all debt (besides the mortgage)
• Be a better person

Day 14 - A picture you love

Easy

I know I have shown it a million times, but I love it all the same.

Day 15 - Bible Verse

Again this is easy for me.  The following is my favorite Bible Verse:

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Philippians 4:13

This was my grandma's favorite Bible verse and it got her through some very difficult times especially when she was diagnosed with ALS or Lou Gehrig's disease.  She has been gone for three years now, but whenever I think that something is too difficult to handle I remember her and her strength and and this verse and I know that there is nothing too difficult to handle.

And I think that catches me up to date!

In other news, today is my 27th birthday!  I can't believe that I am 27.  I feel so old yet so young at the same time.  I guess this is growing up, huh?

Turn on the Boob Tube

Day 11 - Favorite TV Shows

I have been waiting for this entry since I have started this whole challenged.  As I have mentioned I adore all thing Pop Culture, so of course I love TV shows.  I could make this entry a million pages long, but I promise I will try and it keep it as short as I possibly can.

I'm going to split this up by shows that are no longer on shows currently running.  Yes.  I have that many favorite TV shows.  Don't judge.

No Longer Playing... Sadly

 
Sex and the City...
I'm sorry, but does this even need explanation?  This is just one of those shows that I have connected to on so many levels and so many occasions.  The relationships with men, friends, self, fashion - it was just an amazing show.  Unfortunately, they had to sully the memory by making the horrific second movie, but in my mind it is still as perfect as always.

Gilmore Girls. 

Again, I will love this show forever and for always.  I own every single season on DVD and watch them all.the.time.  I love the story.  I love the mother/daughter dynamic.  I love the writing.  Again it was just everything that makes a good show all rolled into one.  This is how shows are done right. 

 

The West Wing.

For realsies, this show rocks my socks.  Yes I just said that.  I didn't think that I could get into a show about politics, especially about democratic politics.  But I did.  Oh yes I did.  My husband and I spent the better part of our summer burning through the seasons and it was time well spent.  Aaron Sorkin is a genius as evidenced by this show and The Social Network.

via here

Veronica Mars

Be still my heart.  Ok, seriously.  Most of you have probably not seen or heard of this show, but you must, no, you need to watch this show.  It will change you life.  Kristen Bell is a woman after my own heart.  She is awesome in the show and the rest of the cast is just as good.  Seasons are currently playing on theWB.com.  Go watch it!

And there are so many more, BUT it's time for the current shows:

• Project Runway (finale is TONIGHT!)  I love Tim Gunn.  He should be my friend.
• Dexter - Who knew loving a serial killer could be so much fun?
• Big Bang Theory
• Modern Family
• Greek - Is this show ever going to come back?
• Top Chef - All Stars season is coming up.  I'm pumped!

And again there are many more and I'm sure as soon as I hit publish I am going to think of a bazillion more, but this is a good start, right?

Fear Factor

Day 10 - Something you are Afraid of

I am afraid of a lot things.  The list could really go on and on.  But the number one thing? 

Throwing Up.

Is that odd?  I'm sure that it is, but it's true.  I can't hide who I am.  I have a major fear of throwing up.  And not just for me.  I can't stand to be around people who feel sick or around situations that might have the potential for someone to be sick.  It's a nightmare for me.  I don't know what it is.  I think because it's gross and I don't want to do it.  Also, I'm afraid that it will happen to me and I won't be prepared and it will be in public, etc.  It's irrational.  I understand this.  But you asked and I shared.

And that is all I have to say about that!!

I'll Be There For You

Day 9 - A Picture of Your Friends

I am fortunate to have several groups of friends.  I have my high school friends, college friends and post college friends (who coincidentally co-mingle with my high school friends).  It's not that I intentionally keep the groups separate, it just kind of works out that way.  

This is my Delta Zeta Family (I'm the second one on the left in the black dress).  This is a bit old, I believe it was taken over a year and half ago at Senior night for my grand little (in the red top).  My little is standing next to my grand little (red hair, wearing black and white) and the other two are my great grand littles.  I love my DZ family and we try to get together at least once a month.  I love it because it keeps me connected to the present chapter.  They are a wonderful family and there are several girls in the chapter who are amazed that we still get together.  It's a tradition that I hope to keep.

 

In case you were wondering who my DZ Big Sister was, here she is!  She is truly one of my best friends.  Whenever something major happens in my life she is the first person I call.  She is the reason I joined Delta Zeta and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be the person I am today without her.  She is a wonderful persona and great friend.  I consider myself very lucky to call her a friend.

 

These are the after college friends.  Please ignore the fact that this looks like some sort of class picture.  This was actually taken at the end of a weekend vacation we all took to Gatlinburg, TN. We all look a little worse for the wear because literally right after this was taken we hopped in our cars to head home. That weekend was so much and I would love to do it sometime again.  The group has changed a bit though as nearly everyone in this picture now has a baby and it makes it hard to get together as much as we used to.  They are still a great group of friends and I always enjoy our times together.

 

 

My bridesmaids.  They were a mixture of family and friends and I am blessed that I had such wonderful people surrounding me on my wedding day.  

 

My high school/grade school friends.  We may not see each other on a regular basis, but these are the people who are known me the longest.  They know my past and they know my present.  They are very important people to me.  These are the kinds of people you want around you for the rest of your life.  We can go a while without seeing each other, but once we do it's like no time as passed.

And I could add soooo many more, but I think this covers my "close" friends.  I can't wait to meet yours!

 

And I am a Material Girl

Remember when I said the only thing I wanted for my birthday was a purse?  Well since then, I haven't been able to stop thinking of other things I would like to have:

via here

I'm going to be honest.  I don't own anything Lilly, and I don't really care for much of her products, but this?  This I must have.  It's from the sorority collection and it's the Delta Zeta print.  Of course, I MUST have it!  It's got tiny turtles on it for God's sake.  Now if only I could convince my husband that I need a $118 scarf...

 

via here
Have you smelled Bath and Body Works new scent Dark Kiss?  It's amazing.  I believe it's a mixture of Berry and Vanilla.  It truly is awesome.  Seeing as how I have a coupon, that sucker is probably coming to live me sometime today.

 

Via here

I'm longing for my house to smell fall-like.  There is just something about the cinnamon and spices of fall.

 

Via here

I have been really wanting a new cell phone.  While the HTC Evo is at the top of my list that probably won't be the phone I get.  A girl can dream, though, right?

 P.S. Go back an entry for my 30 Day Challenge post!

I Left my Heart in San Francisco

Day Eight - A Place You've Traveled

I love traveling.  I wish that I had more money in the good old bank account to do more traveling.  I would love to get out of the here United States and see Europe.  I would love to see Rome and the Vatican or see the blue waters of Greece.  Sadly though, there are other things that I need to spend my money on, but maybe one day I will get to see those things. 

In all honesty though, I have been very lucky in my travels.  I have been to NYC, Chicago, various parts of Florida, New Orlans, etc.  One place I NEVER thought I would get to go was California.  I don't know why, it just seemed unattainable.  About two and half years ago a good friend of mine packed up her and a her fiance and moved clear across the county to Sacramento.  It broke my little heart, but she promised that one day she would be back (actually as I write this, she is back is the good old KY) and promised that if we ever wanted to come out, we would have a place to say.  Well last year after coming off three unsuccessful rounds of Clomid (fertility drug) we decided to treat ourselves.  Plane tickets were uber cheap so off we went to California.  It was ah-mazing and just what we needed.  It was a change of perspective that I needed at the time.  While we stayed in Sacramento we got to see various parts of Northern California including UCDavis, Napa Valley and San Francisco.  It was a real life and Pop Culture (don't think for a second I wasn't in Full House heaven!!) dream come true.  Here are some pictures of our amazing trip:

 

 

Home of the original Mission Style Burrito - as seen on Man vs. Food!

 

 

What's Your Favorite Scary Movie?

Day Seven - Your Favorite Movies

So I guess the title of this post is a bit misleading as I'm not really talking about scary movies, but I can't help it.  I love to use Pop Culture references.  It's an obsession.

So I'm favorite movies in no particular order...

Dirty Dancing

My goodness.  Are there any words?  This movie is a life changer.  Once you watch it, you will never be the same.  Plain and simple.  It is one of those movies that I can watch and know every.single.line.  I can even close my eyes and tell you exactly what is going on.  You are kidding yourself if you think that while I'm writing this I'm not watching the final dance on YouTube because I totally am and so should you .  I'll never forgot the moment when I realized what Penny's "situation" was.  I could never figure out why Baby's dad was so freaked about the whole thing.  Then one day it all clicked and I had the major "ah-ha" moment.  Whatever.  It's still a fantabulous movie in my eyes.

Willy Wonka and Chocolate Factory

Not to be confused with that disasterous Johnny Depp crap.  Don't even get me started.  Who could not love this movie?  With the candy and the humor and the good story, it just makes for an all around good time.  And a great movie to quote to boot. 

Clueless

Sorry, but this movie is iconic.  It's when we first were introduced to the awesomeness that is Paul Rudd and Britney Murphy was all awkward.  Again another great movie to quote and these girls will always be in style to me.

Sixteen Candles

Although I have not seen this movie in a very long time, it will always remain one of my favorites.  It gave hope to dorky girls everywhere that maybe, just maybe the cute guy in the class will fall for you.  It probably won't happen, but we can all dream, right?

Serendipity

This movie has so many things going for it, that I just have to put it in my favorites.  1)Two Sex and the City actors play roles (John Corbett and Bridget Moynahan) 2) Jeremy Piven. 3) It's set in New York 4) Serendipity is a truly awesome restaurant.  Given all these factors, plus a cute storyline, I can't NOT put it in my favorites. 

Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Like many movies I watch, this one gets better every time I watch it.  It just becomes funnier.  Which is hard to do.  You would think that the more you see something the less funny it would become, but the opposite holds true for this movie. This movie also stars one of my all time favorite actresses - Kristen Bell (more on her in an upcoming entry on TV shows).  Even though she is slightly bitchy in this movie, I still love her all the same.  

And I know that there are a million more and as soon as I see everyone else's lists I'm going to want to add those to my list too!

My Happy Place

Day Six - A picture that makes you happy

For some reason I've hit a wall when it comes to this post.  I think it's because there are sooooo many pictures that make me happy.  I've been trying to think of the perfect one that makes me happy, but the truth is, there are just too many to choose from.  So, I'm going to cheat a little and show some of my favorites and explain why they make me happy.

 

This picture was taken just two months ago at Seagrove Beach, Florida.  This is in the Panhandle right in between Destin and Panama.  This vacation was such a fun and important vacation for me.  My husband and I went with my mom and dad, my sister and her husband, my brother and some of my aunts and uncles.  We have a truly amazing time.  We laughed, we cried (literally), we had a great time.  I will remember it forever.  And who can not love that view?  Every time I see it, it instantly makes me happy.

Meet my baby, Carly.  Isn't she the most precious thing you ever did see???  She is a golden retriever mix, but I have no idea what she is mixed.  I love this picture because a) she is adorable and b) she just looks so happy.  I currently have this picture set as my desktop at work.  She brings me happiness on bad days.

 

My wedding cake.  Is that lame?  A picture of my wedding cake makes me happy?  I think it's because I just think it's pretty.  I loved the colors of our wedding and I loved the cake.  It was exactly what I wanted.  

 

And you saw this picture previously, but it is my absolute favorite of our wedding.  A black and white copy hangs in our living room.   Every time I look at it, I am reminded of the happiest and best day of our life together.

(Middle) Child, Please

If you're not an Ocho Cinco fan then you probably don't get the Child, Please part of this post but that is neither here nor there.  Today is Day Five of the 30 Day Challenge and we're talking about our siblings. 

So yes, I'm the middle child.  Do I suffer from middle child syndrome?  Oh, I've thought about making something witty up, but if I'm honest yes, I would say I have a touch, though nothing too serious :-)

My oldest sibling is my sister.  I can't say that we are extremely close, but I can say that I learned a lot from her.  To be honest we are much closer now and I found comfort in her when I learned of my reproduction challenge because she here is challenged in the same area.  What are the odds?  So while it is something crappy to bond over she has been an enormous help and someone to lean on when things get difficult.  Because honestly?  The only people who can truly understand the struggle is someone who is has been through it too.
Other than that, we have a lot of other things in common, although growing up I would have said we were totally opposite.  Not to mention we look nothing alike!  You be the judge:

We both worry endlessly.  We are anxious.  We want to be mothers.  We both like space heaters (don't ask).  We both like to watch certain TV shows before going to bed (me- Gilmore Girls her Golden Girls).  We both fear getting sick.  Ok, so my description makes a sound a little crazy, but I promise we aren't!  My point is, she is a wonderful sister and much like my parents, I wouldn't be the person I am today without her.

Then there's my brudder.  He's 6 years younger than me and 10 years younger than my sister.  He is the little baby of our family and mother definitely likes to treat him that way!  Then again, even though he will be 21 in February, I still think of him as a little boy.  For example I was just appalled that he drank on my family trip.  He's just a BAY-BEEEEE!!!  But he is definitely growing up and becoming a fine young man (Lord I sound like I'm 50).

My brother and I have always had the classic older sister/younger brother relationship - we like to annoy each other.  I think this is because we lived together much longer than he and my sister did and we were a bit closer in age.  And even though we annoy each other we still have our fun.  We poke fun at each other, we have inside jokes, we do silly voices.  My family likes to make fun of us, but it's our thing.  It's what we do.

Sadly I couldn't find one on my computer with just me and him :-(

 

She Get it From Her Mama (and her Daddy)

Day Four - Your Parents

Today's 30 Day Challenge is to write about your parents.  While I would love to share with you a picture of my parents, I feel little weird posting pictures of my family or people that don't know about this blog.  I don't know.  I feel like that is sort of an invasion of privacy and I wouldn't want to upset anyone.  So, I guess this entry will have to do without a picture... insert sad face here.  But no worries, I will tell you about how wonderful my parents are!

In true child/teenage style, I never really appreciated my parents.  They were the people who loved me because they "had" to.  They fed me, clothed me and took care of me because they "had" to.  That's what they were for me.  Once I was out of college, married and on my own, they took on a different role in my life - especially when I started dealing with infertility.  (Do all roads lead back to infertility?  Apparently they do!)

But let's back up a minute and actually give a little background.  My parents (not unlike my husband and me) met in high school and got married when they were 19 (not like my husband and me).  I'm sure even back then there were people who thought that they wouldn't make it, but here we are 32 years later and they are still very happily married.  They have truly taught me everything about having a strong, loving marriage.

A little over a year ago, my husband approached me and said that he wanted to start going to Church and he wanted to become Catholic.  I think that learning we were reproductively challenged made him (and me) look at our lives and our faith and realize that if we were going to get through this then we needed a little spiritual help.  We weren't sure where to set our "roots" so we started going to Church with my parents even though it's about a 20 minute drive from our house and there are plenty of Catholic Churches in our neighborhood.  After Church my parents would treat us to breakfast and it has quickly become one of my favorite parts of the weekend.  It's a great way to start the week, but it has also given me a chance to have a better relationship with my parents.  I think that through our weekly tradition they have seen and respected me as a "grown up" and I have turned to them as my confidants.  They have become people that I truly listen to and admire.  They also give great advice on how to deal with things, but they also listen and are on my side.  My mom especially is great at that.  I can tell her how angry I am that another one of my friends is pregnant and she's right there with me being angry and upset. 

I can honestly say that I would not be the person I am without these two very special people in my life.  I only hope that God will give me and my husband the chance to be great parents like they are!

The following is a song that always makes me think of my parents/makes me wish I had a daughter/makes me cry whenever I hear it.  Gotta love T. Swift!

I'm five years old and it's getting cold
I've got my big coat on
I hear your laugh and look up smiling at you
I run and run
Past the pumpkin patch and the tractor rides
Look now the sky is gold
I hug your legs and fall asleep on the way home

I don't know why all the trees change in the fall
I know you're not scared of anything at all
Don't know if Snow White's house is near or far away
But I know I had the best day with you today

I'm thirteen now and don't know how my friends could be so mean
I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys
And we drive and drive until we found a town far enough away
And we talk and window shop till I forgot all their names

I don't know who I'm gonna talk to now at school
But I know I'm laughing on the car ride home with you
Don't know how long it's gonna take to feel okay
But I know I had the best day with you today
I have an excellent father
His strength is making me stronger
God smiles on my little brother
Inside and out he's better than I am

I grew up in a pretty house and I had space to run
And I had the best days with you

There is a video I found from back when I was three
You set up a paint set in the kitchen and you're talking to me
It's the age of princesses and pirate ships and the seven dwarfs
Daddy's smart and you're the prettiest lady in the whole wide world

Now I know why all the trees change in the fall
I know you were on my side even when I was wrong
And I love you for giving me your eyes
Staying back and watching me shine and I didn't know if you knew
So I'm taking this chance to say that I had the best day with you today

No Time! There's Never Any Time!

Whenever I complain about never having enough time the following montage plays in my mind:

Jessie: Singing?  Tonight?  What am I going to wear?

Zack: Jessie, remember?  Lisa's bringing your costume.

Jessie: Right, I gotta wash my hair.

Zack: No, there's no time.

Jessie: No time! There's never any time!  I don't have time to study!  I'll never get in to Stanford!  I'll let everyone down.  I'm so confused!

And then....


I mean, it really doesn't get any better than that, right?  Said montage in my head thus furthers my belief that any life event you experience can be found in an episode of Saved By the bell.  Who knew SBTB was so philosophical?

********

""Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein." H. Jackson Brown

I saw this quotation not long ago on a friend's Facebook and I have some issues with it.  I mean, it's a great idea in theory, but I'm willing to bet that they didn't spend 8-9 hours of their day trying to make a dollar.  Meaning they didn't spend all their time at a job.  Or if they did, it was these jobs that lead them to their greatness.  Moral of my rambling?  

There's no time!  There's never any time!!

At least to do the things that I want to do vs. what I have to do.  Don't get me wrong.  I am thankful every day that I have a job and I am able to pay my bills and still have a good life.  I also enjoy my job (for the most part).  It's just that at the end of the day, I have very little energy to do much else.  But the laundry still needs to be done and the house cleaned, etc.  And then when I take the time to write a blog entry or just watch TV, I feel guilty, like I should be doing something else more productive.

I then have the problem of extracurricular activities (ok, I know that I am not in school anymore and therefore the use of "extracurricular" isn't quite correct, but what do you call them when you are a "grown up"?).  I teach the CCD classes which I enjoy, but I also want to help out with my sorority.  I would love to go back and serve as an advisor, but I know that the two activities together would be waaaay too much.  So how do I decide?  And how do I make it all work?  How do I manage the need to do and the want to do and still do all that I want to do?

Certainly caffeine pills are not the answer. 

P.S. Go back an entry for my 30 Day Challenge Post!

Better Together

Day Three - Your First Love

Day Three of the 30 Day Challenge is all about my first love.  Are you ready for some sappy corny stuff?  My first love is none other than:

That's right.  My husband is my first/only love.  Sure there were dates and crushes before I started dating my husband, but they all turned out to be... lackluster.  (I really wish that I could insert some few other choice words in that phrase there, but well "being a Christian woman, I can't say it"! )

As I mentioned in my previous post, my husband and I met our sophomore year in high school.  I went to an all girls Catholic high school and he went to the public school down the highway.  We met through mutual friends and I had no interest in him or any of his friends for that matter (sorry husband, but you know this to be true!!).  As time went on, our paths crossed several times and we slowly became the best of friends.  Or so I thought.  Turns out, he had feelings for me.  I continued on being his friend until one day in the summer before our senior year.  I don't know exactly what it was, but suddenly I saw him in a different way and I decided to give him a chance.  To give us a chance. Nine years (nine years???) later here we are. We are a happily married newlywed-ish couple that love spending time with each other.  We are best friends and partners and I really couldn't ask for anything better.

We have had an amazing relationship save for one blip in college where I broke up with him (can you say worst decision ever?).  There are some specifics about that blip that I would rather not delve in to, suffice to say, I made a poor decision, but I did learn where I was meant to be so it can't be all that bad right?  Sometimes I wonder if I should have had other loves in my life, but then I think of all the things I would have missed with my husband I know that things happened the way they were supposed to.  It's the Journey and the Destination, right?

What's In a Name?

Day 2 of the 30 Day Challenge asks us to explain the meaning behind the blog name.  Mine is obviously, "It's the Journey and the Destination".  I chose this because one of the biggest challenges I have had to face in my life is infertility.  I am certainly not one of those people who go through life and things just come easily or things get handed to them.  However, I never thought that I would have to struggle or work for my God given right to reproduce. It just doesn't make sense.  But who am I to judge what does or doesn't make sense?  I figure that God has a plan for me.  That maybe, he gave me this struggle so that I might learn something from it.  So often we get caught up in the destination, the end point, the goal that we don't focus on the how or the why.  We just want what we want and we want it NOW!  For me this struggle is about the journey and the destination and figuring out just what it is I am supposed to take away from all this.

So far on my journey, I have figured out these things:

• Infertility is expensive.  No amount of budgeting or planning will ever cover the costs.
• There are going to be sacrifices along the way.  But what dream doesn't come with those?
• Your relationship with your spouse will be tested time and time again.  
• My husband is amazing and beyond supportive.  I never knew how strong our relationship was until we faced this together.  I guess we are lucky in that aspect.
• Your faith will be tested.  
• Sometimes I don't have as much faith as I should.

And those are just a few things.   I am hoping that my destination in this journey is to have a child rather that be one of my own or adopted, but I am keeping my mind open.  Maybe it will just be me and my husband and our dog.  I'm ok with that as long as that's where I'm supposed to be.

Hopping Right On

In my effort to become a more diligent blogger, I have decided to take on a 30 Day Challenge via: Katie's Journey.  If you want to join it, head over there and let her know!  I think this is going to be fun and I am very excited about it.

The first challenge is to post a picture of yourself and give 15 interesting facts about moi.  Well I can give you 15 facts, but I can't claim that they'll all be interesting per se. 

Me!

Now on to those facts:

1. I got married three years ago on 07.07.07.  Everyone said I was crazy for getting married on "the most popular wedding day ever" but I really didn't have an issue with it.
2. Yes, I have been married for three years and no, I don't have any children.  I am what you would call reproductively challenged.  We are working on it albeit at a snail's pace.
3. I went to school for elementary education, but I don't teach.  And I learn a little bit more everyday that it was the best decision for me.
4. And in the next breath I'm going to tell you that I do actually teach CCD one night a week.  These are Catholic education classes for public school children.
5. I worry.  A lot.  About random things that no one should ever worry about.  Once something has resolved itself I move on to something else to worry about.  It can be quite stressful. 
6. I have an intense fear of vomit.  Enough said.
7. I love pop culture.  LOVE it.  I think this is why I quote movie/TV shows every chance I get. 
8. I am a trivia FREAK.  I know the most random things and I couldn't tell you where I pick it up. 
   Sometimes I think the random information takes up too much information in my brain.  
9. By nature I am shy, until I get comfortable and know you.  Then I don't shut up.  I'm just really bad at the whole small talk thing.  Being in a sorority really helped to bring me out of that shell though.  Who knows how socially awkward I might be otherwise. :-)
10. I spend WAY too much money on purses.  I should really learn to save my money and not buy a million cheap ones and buy one really nice one. 
11. I take a lot of things personally.  Like things that shouldn't be taken personally at all.  I guess I'm just sensitive and have a lot of feelings and emotions.
12. I really enjoy reading blogs - especially Kentucky bloggers, sorority bloggers and others struggling with infertility  (I cringe at how cliche I sound.)
13. I love reading.  There is just something about getting lost in a good book.
14. I met my now husband when I was a sophomore in high school.  We started dating right before our senior year and have been together ever since (let's just ignore that three week period we were broken up in college).
15. I work hard everyday to be just a little bit better of a person than I was the day before.

So there you have it, day one of the challenge is complete!

Housekeeping

Note: When you read the title you should say it a la Tommy Boy.

So.  I guess I'm what you'd call a blogger-hopper.  Meaning, I start about 5 million blogs, write two entries, then start another or go back to an old one.  Well ENOUGH!  Enough I say!  Time to pick one and stick to it.  It's too much for me to keep track of and it makes me feel like I have a multiple personality disorder.  So here is now home.  If I want to write about pop culture, it will be here.  If I want to talk about my infertility issues, it will be here.  If I want to talk about how undomestic I am, it will be here.  Much like I picked a sorority as a home, I have picked this blog to be my home.  It should feel so... special.

Since we last left, I had take a Dye Test to insure that my tubes were open and things that need to get through can in fact do so.  They were all clear so that's good news, but I haven't done much since, and thank God because I am still getting bills for that darn test!  It was FOUR months ago!  There should be a statute of limitations or something.  Gah.  I really don't know what to do when it comes to fertility issues.  I'm so indecisive.  Much like I can't pick a blog, I can't pick how/when to pursue a family.  I think I am waiting on some guidance from God on how to proceed next.  Although a tiny part of me hopes that my indecision will lead to a natural pregnancy.  I'm not really that naive, but I can dream, right?

In other non-uteruo news, my BIRTHDAY is coming up in just a few short weeks. The only thing on my wish list:

 Via here

This Coach SOHO tote.  I'm not really set on a color, although I am really liking this almond color as I feel it would very versatile in my wardrobe as well as seasons.  It really just depends on what they have available when I go to the store.  One thing is for sure, "It will be mine. Oh yes.  It will be mine".  I just love my birthday, although I'm not stoked about the idea of getting older.  That's not cool.  But I do enjoy any day that can be all about me and I get presents.  Especially fun presents like Coach purses.